Quietly Sipping Wine

2006-12-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

2006-12-09T12:14:00.000-05:00

I have started a new blog (I say new only in the sense that its at a different address).
I will e-mail those who've asked with a new link to it.

But I'm still trying to decide what to do about this blog.
Matt and I had our first fight last night.
I hung up on him (a big no-no)
He called me a whore (a big no-no)
I said I didn't hang up on him.
He said he didn't call me a whore.
The fight ended with both of us arguing about this blog.
Actually the fight made me feel a lot better, strangely.
After it was over, he wanted to see the post I made about him.
I opened up blogger, found the post, opened it, and started walking away.
He pulled me to his lap and made me sit there while he read through the post.
The post is below in case you are curious.
So embarrassing.
This is why I had an anonymous blog, because a lot of the stuff I wrote about was a little skewed, and a little too close for comfort.
So I guess I'm going to move on, but its with a really heavy heart.

So the end is near.

2006-12-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

So the response from Matt on my blog:
"Yeah you totally left it up on my comp last week. I found it mildly entertaining, but mostly just pedestrian."

So I'm closing down QSW.
I'll open a new site somewhere else, and not open it on Matt's computer like a fucking retard.

I'm kicking myself now.

2006-12-08T14:36:00.000-05:00

Um.
So.
Scary thing happened today.
I was checking my stats on this page.
I had a hit from:
bmedb050pc3.ecn.purdue.edu (Purdue University)

Indiana, West Lafayette, United States, 0 returning visits

Date Time WebPage
7th December 2006 14:58:18
7th December 2006 16:51:27

BMED.
PURDUE.

So, most of you don't know, but Matt is a PHD student in BioMEDical Engineering.
Um... so yea, there was a post here about him, but now I've taken it down.
Hmm.
2ish and 4ish, right when he was at work, at that building.
UGH.

2006-12-08T12:43:00.000-05:00

I'm dating Matt again.

RHM is happy because it means I'm getting laid (happily) again.
FN is happy because he thinks that Matt has really changed and he can see I'm happy.
ID is happy because he got one of his "drinking buddies" back.
SY is NOT happy. Period.
My Mother is happy because she was heading to Chicago this weekend and is happy to have someone at her disposal that can give her good advice on where to eat.
My brother doesn't care one way or the other.
MW and MM are extremely happy and cannot wait to meet up with us to eat dinner.

And I, well, I think I'm the only one with my head screwed on straight.
I am very happy right now, but I'm still wary of my happiness. I refuse to rush.
I'm not going to "test" Matt or be a ninny female.
I haven't asked for anything more from him, because frankly, I don't want anymore.
He gave me what I asked for and I stopped at that.
But he's changed a bit towards me.
And thats what I'm wary of.
He told me he loves me, and I honestly believe it, but it seems like he wants to prove it to me or something...

Old Matt:
1. Had his time, and if I called during his time, then tough luck, he'd call me when he was done.
2. Rarely touched me in public
3. Would pat my leg affectionately, or run his hands through my hair, but that would be the extent of physical affection outside of sex.
4. Would never mention me visiting his home or hometown... ever.
5. Would go for days without talking to me.
6. Oral sex visited me less than Aunt Flow.

New Matt:
1. If there is a rare occasion that he can't answer my call right then and there, he'll call me back as soon as possible and explain in full detail where he was and what he was doing without any prompting or asking on my part. Most of those phone calls end with me saying something like, "Its ok, I was just seeing if you were free for dinner, if you aren't, it's really not that big of a deal."
2. Touches me in public now, in fact, will sit amongst his friends with his arm around me smiling.
3. Has a habit of kissing me. Most of the time it's on the forehead or on the lips when I leave. Except for yesterday when I woke up in the morning coughing(I'm sick). After I finally stopped, I told him I was dying, which made him roll over and start kissing my neck. After a good 2 minutes of him doing that, I made him stop saying it was his beard tickling me.
4. Has mentioned several times about me coming home with him. He even asked what I was doing on New Year's Eve. Granted this is all talk, and it probably will never happen, but still the talking on his part is crazy.
5. He calls me now just to say "hi." ("I'd only call or go over there if I "happened to be on the way home" or "could you do me a favor?" the list goes on and on...")
6. Oral sex is not a stranger to me anymore.

Changed man? Don't know
Wants to be in my life? I think that's a safe bet.
Reasons for wanting that? No idea.
Guesses? My one and only guess is the fact that he has more wedding invitations on his fridge than he does pictures. And most of the pictures he has are of his nephew. And while I don't think he wants to get married or have kids any time soon, I have a feeling that "being alone" isn't such a great thing to him anymore.

To say or not to say.

2006-12-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those horrible people, that if the sex is bad, I won't say anything.
I'll gently encourage the guy, or take control, or be aggressive, but if all else fails, I won't be complaining to the girls.

Now, if it's good sex, I talk way too much. Since, Wombat's post talks about how talking for a woman is much like a heroin hit, then it must be double for me with good sex.

Also, for those of you who "wondered what happened with GH" he reads this blog occasionally.

The Gay Boyfriend

2006-12-05T16:35:00.000-05:00

What is the attraction for a woman to hang out at great length with a man, who likes men?

Having not had a "gay boyfriend" until recently I'll list the pros and cons.

Pros:
1.)If your real boyfriend isn't around, you still have someone to walk down the street with holding hands.
2.)If you feel lonely, you can call him and he'll come cuddle with you without sticking a boner into your back.
3.)While sipping coffee together, you can both check out guys.
4.)He will tell you how "fabulous" you look without any prompting
5.)If your ass doesn't look good in a pair of pants, he'll tell you right off the bat.
6.)If needing to make a straight man jealous, he will quickly make out with you, or hold your hand, so you don't look single.

Cons:
1.)If your ass looks bad in a pair of pants, he'll tell you, even if it's at 8 am and you have no chance of changing them until 5 that evening
2.)Sometimes when you are talking to him, he'll get distracted by a hot man, and then interrupt your story to tell you about the hot man.
3.)He will be at all times more horny than you.

So far, for me, the Pros out-weight the Cons.

2006-12-03T20:09:00.000-05:00

Harry's is a very dark bar.
On Friday night, it was dark, warm, and crowded.
I came there with some friends of mine, and when they wanted to go home, I drove them home. On my way out I saw Matt.
I came back to dark, warm, crowded Harry's to sit with Matt for a few.
His friend bought me a drink and told me how wonderful it was to see me again.
I sat with them for 45 minutes or so.
Matt said, "I think it's time for me to get going."
I told him I wanted to do the same.
Even though I hadn't finished my drink, I wanted to talk to him one on one.
I stood up.
I started walking, when I looked behind me, I noticed he was saying goodbye to some other friends that he didn't realize were there.
I didn't stop, I suddenly felt really hot and light headed.
I thought, I'll wait for him right outside of Harry's.
I turned, caught his eye, winked and pointed towards the door.
He held up his finger to say "wait a minute" but I was too strong-headed of a girl and left anyways.
Outside, the air felt cool on my neck and face.
I told myself I would wait leaned up against the wall.
That was the last thought I had until I suddenly realized I was looking at a shoe.
As my vision slowly panned out I realized it was two shoes, then four shoes...
At that point my hearing started coming back, loud and screeching at first, then I realized people were talking... "Get up sweety, I'll call you a cab."
As I was trying to process why someone wanted to call me a cab, I realized I was being pulled up, which could only mean that I was on the ground.
Panic set in.
Matt wasn't outside yet, and I was alone with two men who I didn't know.

And I was fairly sure I had been drugged.

One of them told me he'd walk me home.
The other disappeared.
"No, that's ok, I'm alright, please, thank you."
It was all I could muster out.
I was feeling very weird, not drunk, just beyond control of myself.
I suddenly realized I was walking across the street.
"I live over the coffee shop," I said.
"I'll walk you to the door," he said.
At this point I realized that the ringing I was hearing was no longer a part of my ears, but my phone.
I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at it.
3 missed calls from Matt.
It was while I was looking at it, it rang again.
I answered.
"WHERE the HELL ARE YOU?" he yelled.
I'd never heard him upset before, he's not the yelling type.
"I'm walking towards the apartment," I said.
"Ok, good," he sounded relieved.
"I'm going to walk next door and grab some cigarettes, ok?" he said.
I hung up in frustration, it had taken a lot of brain power just to formulate the sentence I had just used, and he wasn't going to come rescue me.
We arrived at the door at that moment.
Rather, the downstairs door, there were still two flights of stairs to climb.
I told the guy thanks, and walked in the first door.
I realized he followed.
"I'm fine," I said.
"Well, I'm walking you to your door," he said, "You should probably call your roommate back and let her know that you need to pass out."
He was beyond freaking me out.
I was terrified.
"I'm FINE," I said as forceful as possible, "And that was my boyfriend and his apartment I'm going too."
The man turn around and left.
I took of my heels and ran up the stairs. I fell twice but I kept going.
I got to Matt's apartment, and got the door open on the third try.
I threw my stuff down, and sank to the bathroom floor.
I didn't feel sick, but I made myself sick.
After a minute, I felt better.
I stood up, the most in-control I had felt in 15 minutes, and brushed my teeth.
I sank down to the ground again, and shook until Matt came in and found me there.
He was upset when I told him what happened.
He checked my head, and found the brusies on it, but none were serious.
He carried me to his futon, and turned on the tv.
Then he just rubbed my back until I was almost asleep.
Right before I passed out he said, "I love you."

Sneaky little hobbitses.

2006-12-01T12:55:00.000-05:00

Cigarettes today: 2
Weight: 125 lbs
Number of phone calls before 10 am: 3
Number of text messages before 1 pm: 19
Number of drinks had last night: 1
Decisions made:
1. Do not pick up when Matt calls until Sunday. (Matt seems to want to move quickly)
2. Go see King Tut at Field Museum (He's only there until January 1st)

QSW tries to get ahold of RHM all morning to talk to her more about going to see King Tut at the Field Museum.
Finally she calls back.
Cousin's wedding, can't go.
QSW will not be able to see him. (lots of sadness)

Matt calls.
QSW does not pick up. (Applauding herself)
NEW voicemail.
No rules were made to QSW about listening...
Listens.
Matt invites QSW to meet his parents (second attempt, first one QSW freaked out on) and to go and visit King Tut while we are there.

IMMEDIATELY LAMENTS DECISION TO IMBIBE ALCOHOL WHILE BOY WITH MONEY IS IN VICINITY.

Drums fingers. (helps the thought process)
Soooo tempting. (like the apple and the snake)
Free too. (poor college student, which wealthy man wants)
QSW does not pick up the phone and call back. (don't be fooled, she has a week to decide, therefore can hold onto rule about not picking up the phone for Matt.)

The Date.

2006-11-30T14:46:00.000-05:00

I agreed to go out on a date with Matt.

To be honest, I was going to say no, but his charm got in the way, and I found myself laughing at his attempts and then agreed.

The night of the date, I was getting nervous. "What am I doing?" was asked to myself more than once.
In fact this was the conversation I was having with myself:
"What are you doing, QSW? We tried this once. Do you remember? It didn't work out. He didn't want to emotionally commit to you. Remember? White Soxs were playing on TV and you were angry because you knew he wouldn't, but you were at the point where you had to try. You tried. He would rather watch the Sox. REMEMBER?! QSW are you listening to yourself? DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR YOU SHOULD WEAR!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I DON'T CARE IF HE'S GOOD IN BED, YOU WILL NOT LET IT GET THAT FAR!!"

My brain won, sort of.
I didn't let it get that far.
My brain didn't win on the emotional level, though.

The next night I went out with my friends.
They wanted details.
While we were chatting and laughing, GH showed up unannounced.
It was ok. I know he was hurting, I chatted with him and my friends.
My phone rang with a text message.
Matt: "I'm heading to Harry's, I didn't know if you wanted to come along. It'll just be Mike and myself."

I was sitting in Harry's.

I let out a brief sigh. Par for the course.
Even if I didn't want drama, I was going to get it.
I started chatting with my friends again, whatever, Screw Drama and it's Ugly Head that pops up whenever I don't want it too.
15 minutes later, GH decided it was time for him to go. He left, still no Matt.
Whew.
My friends were leaving, one at a time, and a new set was arriving.
The new set didn't want to sit upstairs.
So we all moved down.
I sat down and a few minutes later, I felt a hand at my neck, it was Matt apparently he had been sitting downstairs for awhile.
Whew again.
After a time, I went to Matt's table to talk.
He had had a few, and said to me "Your brother hates me."
I laughed, because this was coming from a man who normally didn't care what anyone thought of him. He was serious, and honestly worried that my brother hated him.
Then asked if my parents hated him as well.
I just stared in disbelief.
"What happens when they meet me? Will it show that they hate me?" he said.
"Meet you?" I thought.
He was talking about a hidden desire I had, that I refused to believe would ever happen. Yes, I wanted him to meet my parents. No, I had never pressured him too. I had never even offered. I had never alluded to it.
What he was saying was completely thought out by himself.
While I was sitting there reassuring him that my parents barely knew of him, let alone, hated him, He suddenly said, "I almost lost you, what is wrong with me? How did I let the last 3 months happen? I have way to big of an ego."
There was no ego now.
I saw what high horse he had climbed down from.
He was genuinely upset with himself.
My mouth opened and closed like a fish.
I had no idea what to say to him, because I was on completely new territory.

Finally I mustered up, "Are you pregnant?"
In which I got a huge smile and a huge kiss in the middle of Harry's.
He wasn't one of public affection either.

Quietly Sipping Wine is single.

2006-11-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

Second Chances?

Right now Matt and GH both call my phone constantly.

My friends think it's hilarious, I just wonder why.

Matt never knew about GH. He has no idea I dated him, or broke up with him.
Just about 3 weeks ago, showed up at the same bar as me, telling me he made a mistake, and has honestly tried to be in my life again.

I try to stay the fuck away.

GH and I broke up last Sunday. Since then, he's called me just-as-much as when we were dating. Most of the calls I don't answer since all he wants to do is say "hi."

I try to stay the fuck away.

Since day one of my dating career (can I use the word "career" here? it seems like I get better and better at my job of finding a significant other) I've been told not to give second chances. For good reason. If it doesn't work out the first time, why would it work out the second? But two men call me every day thinking to themselves that a second chance is all they need.

When I talk to my friends about it, most don't have an opinion one way or the other. And some friends, like MM and MW want me to give second chances (MW wants Matt to be back in my life so badly that she's called me every day to ask if I've talked to him).

I think I'm going to turn off the phone, shut down my e-mail, go to the library, find a good book, and pretend my dating career never existed.

I think I'm giving myself sound advice too.

2006-11-27T11:10:00.000-05:00

Long Weekend.
Thanksgiving went well.
Friday I went home to my parents house.
Saturday I came back.
Saturday I went out with ID, NG, SY, and RHM.
GH came to hang out briefly, pounded two drinks, and left.

When I got home, he called me, he wanted to say goodnight.
I was dealing with drunk ID, NG, SY, and RHM.
I said sure, come on over.
He did.
When he arrived, he was very drunk.
I realized at that point that I was just hurting him. I wanted evenings to hang out with my friends, and I wanted evenings to hang out with him. Sometimes together, sometimes not.
He wanted togetherness all the time.
I knew I couldn't give him that, and I knew he wasn't going to be happy with me and my ways of doing things.
I told him I'd talk to him tomorrow.

The next morning, I went over to his house.
I told him how I felt, and burst into tears. I'm not a girl who cries much, and I think that he was more upset that I was crying, then that I was breaking up with him.
I said to him that I was upset to spend every waking minute with him, that I needed time away, that I wasn't ready for this kind of commitment. He understood, and asked why we couldn't just have it that way.
I told him that I was also miserable every time I told him I was leaving to go out with friends, because he looked as if he was a puppy that had just been beaten.
At this I burst into tears again and told him that I just couldn't handle hurting him repeatedly.
He understood.
He still came over that night and helped me make christmas cookies.
And I think he wasn't as upset as I was, which in turn, made me feel less upset.

2006-11-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

I forget that even though my mom knows me best, and knows most about my life, it's still hard to tell her new things about me.

Typical conversation:

Me: Mom, I'm pregnant with Sadam Hussian's twins.
Mom: OoooH! Look at the squirrels, do you usually have many squirrels?
Me: Uh.. yes.
Mom: Ooooh! A brown one! Oh look there is your father. I gotta go bye.
Me: (slapping forehead repeatedly)

Betty when you call me, call me Al

2006-11-21T16:55:00.000-05:00

I arrive at Harry's.
Time: 5:15 pm

...Two white russians later...

Time: 7:33 pm

My cheeks are flushed.
I'm having trouble breathing.
I decide to leave.

FabulouslyNew said he'd walk me out because he was tired too.
I left IrishDrinker, NotGay, and RedHotMama all in the bars.

I went home.

GuitarHero called me and asked where I was.
I forgot I was suppose to hang out with him.
I told him I was sorry, and said I was going to lay down.
He didn't sound happy.

I laid down in a dream-like state.

The next morning I woke up to find a missed call from RedHotMama.
Her message was simple: "Hey, I think I've reached whore status, we need coffee and time to chat, call me back, bye."
I get to the office.
FabulouslyNew is there.
He's grinning.
"What?" I asked.
"Did RedHotMama tell you?"
"Tell me what?!"
"About last night?"

I decided FabulouslyNew was being too coy for his own good.
I walked away.
FabulouslyNew followed and baited me again.
"About IrishDrinker?"
I whirled around and stared at him, the bait worked.

Proud of himself, he simply said, "IrishDrinker and RedHotMama hooked up last night."
"Made out hooked up? or Hooked up, hooked up?" I asked.

He said,
"Well, I guess you could say they did both."

QuietlySippingWine's world is getting too close for comfort...

Ye Local Pub

2006-11-21T12:48:00.000-05:00

**Update**
MW just tracked me down on campus.
She was crying when she finally found me.
She hugged me.
Taking a deep breath she said, "I'm pregnant"
****************************************

This evening around 5, FN and RHM and I are going to sit down at Harry's and discuss life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

Harry's is a long time bar that many, many college students have sat and drank at (including both of my parents). Most of my wild tales from the S.O. days were from this bar, and after the S.O. days were over, I tried to stay away from this bar because I coined it as "Matt's Bar."

Today, I do not care.
Personally, I believe that Matt would never set foot in a bar much before 11pm so I'm not worried about running into him. And I need a place to drink strong drinks, and be merry, so Harry's is it.
I think I'll even go home and get my t-shirt.

Just so I can be completely non-classy.

There are those days/weeks where wine just isn't going to do it.

Independant vs. Dependant

2006-11-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

The Independent Man:

The Independent Man will never come when you call.
He will have his friends, and you'll have yours. Sometimes you'll hang out together, sometimes you won't.
He will have his time, you will have yours.
He will always be there, if you've had a bad day or need to talk, but if you've had neither of those, then you should respect his away time from you.
He will have his own personal interests that he doesn't expect you to share.
He will say "I love you" only on rare or special occasions.
If you are with him, he will expect you to use your head and not react so quickly to things he might say to you.
If you've had a long day, and just want to cancel evening plans with him, he will gladly do so, as long as you give him the same respect back.

The Dependant Man:

The Dependant man will be there on a moments notice.
He will want to share part of his life with you.
If you've had a long day at work, you can expect flowers or a meal ready for you when you get home.
He will always want to sleep beside you, even if you've had a bad day.
He will make future plans with you and hold to them as long as you are in his life.
He won't find that talking about future baby names is scary.
If you aren't home when you say you will be, he will get worried and call around to try to find you.

Pros and Cons:

Dependant Pros - You never have to worry.
Independent Pros - You can be yourself around him.

Dependant Cons - Suffocation
Independent Cons - Disappearing

Who are you? Which would you choose? Do people switch back and forth?

Late night.... popcorn

2006-11-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

So Friday night I went to see Casino Royal with GH.

I walked into that movie thinking that I'd be really disappointed with the new James Bond, but I walked out realizing how wrong I was.

Saturday night I went and hung out with ID.

While I was there on saturday night ID asked what I had been up too. I told him about seeing the movie and he asked,

"Did you cut a hole in the popcorn bag for him?"

For a few minutes I just stared at him. Then I told him that there was a perfect good hole at the top of the bag if he wanted popcorn.
It was ID's turn to stare at me before he said,

"You nitwit, the bottom hole is so you can jerk him off while the movie is playing."

Is this what men fantasize about? Here I was thinking the salt and butter were something I'd never want around my gentials, but ID appears to feel differently.

I learn so much from men.

The Devil # 8

2006-11-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

*Or more appropriately "The Wrap Up"
The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2
The Devil # 3
The Devil # 4
The Devil # 5
The Devil # 6
The Devil # 7

My one and only one night stand resulted from my revenge to him.
He idolized one TA that we both had. He told me while we were dating how much he liked this guy and how he wanted to be like him.

I had no problem getting an invite over to the TA's house.
In fact, I think he was thinking about it before I asked if I could.
I had my one night stand with him.
Ironically 8 months after I did that, I started dating the TA.
He is now the "EX" over at the side bar.

The next night, after I had it, I called The Devil.
His future wife was out of town with the baby, visiting family.

I slept with him, cold and empty, it was the last time I would do this.
The next morning I woke up, we still had class together, so I woke him also.
He got up, proud of himself, and stretched.
"I'll let you know when my girlfriend is out of town again." He proudly said.
"Don't bother," I retorted, "I won't be sleeping with you again, because the TA was much better at it, and actually knew what to do with his huge cock."

It felt like ten minutes went by before it actually registered with him what I had said.
"He's better?" was all he could say.

Stab One.

He stormed off to the shower saying a lot of empty things that didn't matter to me anymore. I stood up, put on my clothes, and picked up his phone.
I scrolled down to "Danielle," which was her name, and called her.
Her mom answered and told me she was in the shower.
Then asked "Who the fuck was this?" which I said... "The girl that The Devil just slept with."
She was quiet for a minute. And during that silence I said, "My number is ### ####, if Danielle would like to call me back and talk more."

I hung up.

I was putting on my shoes when The Devil came out of the bathroom.
He was still trying to get me to come over so he could "Prove me wrong" because last night he was "tired."

I rolled my eyes and left.

About 15 minutes after I did so, Danielle called me.
I told her everything.
She was shocked and hurt.
She was the only part of my revenge that I didn't want to do. I knew what I said would hurt her, but if it had been me, I would have wished someone would say something about the man I was planning on marrying.
She actually thanked me by the end of the phone conversation.

I hung up with her, and skipped my class with him.

Around 9:30 he called me... outraged.

Stab Two.

"She said she won't let me see my kid for a month because of you!" he screamed.

Stab Three.

"She said she isn't going to marry me anymore." he screamed again.

Stab Four.

"You act like I care." I said, and then hung up the phone.

Stab Five.

By the end of the day I had 114 missed calls just from him.
I watched girly movies and ate chocolate.
A part of me that I thought was gone forever grew back that day.
I stood up for myself and won.
They say revenge isn't the answer, but I can't forsee fixing myself in any other way.

Don't worry about him, either.
He now has a vasectomy.
He is now married to Danielle.
He has a beautiful daughter named Allura.

...And he still calls me to this day.

I never pick up, unless it's to threaten him that I still have her number. Which I don't. But he doesn't know that.

The Devil # 7

2006-11-19T09:12:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2
The Devil # 3
The Devil # 4
The Devil # 5
The Devil # 6

If you are still reading my blog at this point, I thank you.

The Devil finally did call me.
A month after it happened.

Wanted to "check" to see if I was alright, and he wanted me to meet his daughter.
I don't know if it was me wanting to match his arrogance, or if I really wanted to see his daughter, but for whatever reason I said "Sure."

When I arrived, his future wife (he proposed to her while he and I were still dating)was gone and it was just me, him and his daughter, who was asleep in her crib.
We chatted for a few moments in whisper before he motioned me back to a different room so we could talk.

The bastard had motioned me into the bedroom.
Right about the time I was going to say some smart ass comment about how "appropriate" this was, he tried kissing me.

I blocked it, stared at him in disbelief, turned and left.

Letting me know that he still wanted me was his biggest mistake.
It was at that point I realized I was going to get revenge.

The Devil # 6

2006-11-18T09:35:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2
The Devil # 3
The Devil # 4
The Devil # 5

It wasn't until 2 weeks after that, that I found out I was pregnant.
He wasn't careful when he told me he was.
He didn't tell me he already had a kid.
He lied, a lot.

I freaked out.

I sobbed for hours.

I made the choice that I didn't want it.

That took a week of deciding.

I made the choice regardless of what people would think of me.
(I even know I might lose some of my fellow bloggers with this story.)
I couldn't be tied to that man the rest of my life.

When I told him, I didn't tell him my decision. I just told him what had happened.
He threw a shoe at my head, called me a slut, and told me he knew it wasn't his.
At this point, I could only cry harder, but I wasn't surprised.

He pushed me out of his house, and would not answer my phone calls.
I had to face everything by myself.
I had only one friend who helped me through this, and loned me part of the money.
She helped, but didn't agree with my decision.
So we are no longer friends.
I think until my dying day, I'll always owe her something for all of her help.

But I bet she's never had to walk a mile in my shoes.

The Devil # 5

2006-11-17T09:20:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2
The Devil # 3
The Devil # 4

Needless to say, my birthday was horrible.

I recovered well enough by the end of the week.
Of course, thats when he called.

I answered. I talked to him. He apologized. He said he still wanted to be there for me. He still wanted to help with my calculus, he still wanted to go to the labs together to work, he still wanted a part of my life.
Still wounded, I agreed.

About a week after that phone call, I asked if I could come over for calc. help.
He said yes.
I showed up, talked with him for a bit, and then he started helping me.
He had to go to the bathroom.
I walked to the door to his room.

There on his desk, was a baby bottle.

Heart pounding, I walked slowly back to the couch.
When he walked out of the bathroom, my face said it all.
He pretended he didn't notice.
The selfish bastard.

I made him talk to me.
He tried denying it at first, until he saw that I wasn't buying it for a minute.
He confessed to getting a girl pregnant.
He confessed to knowing about it when we started dating.
He confessed to getting a girl pregnant on a one night stand, and only later finding out she was still in high school.
He confessed his grandfather wasn't even ill.
I just sat there shaking.

The Devil # 4

2006-11-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2
The Devil # 3

Christmas Break came.
We went home.
I talked to him on the phone occasionally.

December 31st, I was almost killed in a car accident.
It was 11 pm and I was on my way to a friends house to count down the hours.
A drunk driver swerved in the road, and almost hit me.
I drove off into a ditch to avoid him.

Shaken and needing to talk to someone, I called him.
He actually yelled at me because I called him while he was in the hospital.
"Hospital? What happened? Why are you in a hospital?" I questioned.
He told me that his grandpa was dying of cancer and he had a relapse in kemo.
Apologizing I hung up.
I called my friend who came and got me.

I got back up to school almost two weeks later.
He was excited to see me.
That was January 12th.
My birthday is on January 15th.
I figured he didn't remember with his grandfather's problems in the hospital, so I reminded him, and told him that with his money problems, and emotional problems, I'd like a quiet night of just the two of us and some rented movies.
He agreed.
I also told him at this time, that while I was home I forgot one of my birth control pills.
"Be careful" I said.
He agreed.

A few days later, it was my birthday. Excited about it, I woke up and asked him what time we could get together that night. He stared at me and told me he couldn't.
"What?" "Why?" I asked, I was worried about his grandfather.
"There are some things about my life you'll never understand, and for that I'm sorry." was all he said back to me.
I asked about his grandfather and asked if he was going home to see him.
For a brief moment he looked confused.

I asked if there was someone else.
He said no.

I asked if he just didn't want me any more.
He said no.

And then immediately apologized and said he was sorry this was happening on my birthday.
He got up to go shower, and sat there stunned for moment, before numbly getting up, getting dressed, and quietly slipping out the door crying.

That night he wouldn't answer my phone call.

The Devil # 3

2006-11-15T13:51:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1
The Devil # 2

Another week went by and it was Thanksgiving break.
Originally, he said he was leaving on Wednesday to go home, and told me I could ride with him.
(I lived 45 minutes south of him, and my parents were going to meet me in his hometown)
Tuesday night, he suddenly became very antsy to go home.
When he asked why, all he could say was that he was tired of the town that we were in.
He looked very annoyed with me, but since he committed to driving me, he told me he'd drive me all the way to my town.
He acted annoyed all the way there.
He kissed me very quickly goodbye, and left.

I thought to myself, "I will not let him ruin my vacation."
And then very firmly put him out of my mind.
It wasn't until I was about to leave to go back (I had a different ride) when he called me.
Apologetic and excited to see me, he wanted to know the instant I was back in town because he had a "surprise" for me. He said it was for being such a jerk on Tuesday.

I got back into town, and he had made me dinner, and bought flowers.
It was very sweet.
Again, It sufficed for the time being.

It wasn't until Christmas break that shit hit the fan.

The Devil # 2

2006-11-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

The Devil # 1

On the third month of our relationship I started noticing a change in him.
I could never put my finger on it other than it seemed that without doing much, I has some how become a bother to him. When I tried to talk to him all he would say was that everything was fine between us and that it was in my head.
I finally believed him because I exhausted every other effort to try to find out his mysterious behaviour.
Right about the time I stopped asking, was when he started disappearing.
He would get off work at 8pm, and then disappear until 8 am the next day when we would have class together.

I knew something was up at that point, and I assumed he was cheating on me.

I lived with that for 3 weeks before sitting down with him.
He had disappeared 6 times in those 3 weeks, and he went "home" for one of those weekends.

"I don't want to see you anymore" I said.
(A very hurt expression crossed his face)
"Why?" he asked.
(A very disbelieving expression crossed my face)
In my calmest voice, I explained to him about his disappearing acts, and his change of behaviour and I also explained to him that I didn't believe for a second that he went "home" for the weekend.

Pleading with me, he told me that while he hadn't been completely honest with me, he was not not cheating on me. He said that he had to go home because he was trying to sell his other car because he had gotten into horrible credit card debt that he was trying to get out of. He told me that he was driving his car to perspective buyers on the other nights and that usually he was home around 12, if I wanted to start coming over then. He thought that up until now, that I was probably asleep by then, and that he didn't want to wake me.

I trusted him, and told him to start calling me whenever he got in, so I wouldn't worry.

He agreed and we continued our relationship.

The Devil # 1

2006-11-13T13:06:00.000-05:00

One man in my life has sunk lower than the rest.

This is his story.

I started dating him when I was 20.
He was my first big relationship.
It was the first day of my sophomore year, I was in a Monday lab when he sat down beside me. I smiled and got to work, after a few minutes I felt someone looking at me. I looked over at him and saw him admiring my work.
"Nice website you're building." he said.
"Thank you." was all I could reply.
We chatted idly for a few more minutes when he asked me if he could take me out sometime.
Flattered, I agreed and he punched my number into his phone.
I walked home smiling.

Two days later, he called.
He asked if that Friday he could take me out.
I told him the time he could, and where he could pick me up.
He asked if I liked to ride motorcycles.
I said I loved them, and he said to wear something warmer than usual.
He showed up 15 minutes early, and acted very happy to see me.
He had only one helmet which he promptly gave to me, and away we went.
He went out to eat at a nice German restaurant and then went to a movie afterwards.
Standard date, until after the movie where we rode around and stopped at different places to "see the view."
I think everytime we stopped was solely for the purpose of another chance at maybe kissing.
He seemed to want to very badly.
I did too, but I didn't let on.
It was I who broke our misery.
When he dropped me back at my place, I took off the helmet, handed it to him, and while he was transfering it to the other hand, I moved in and kissed him.

The chemistry was undeniable.
The next three months went by very quickly, and I remember some of the happiest times of my college career from them.

I talk about Matt more now than when he was just SO.

2006-11-10T12:24:00.000-05:00

Ok.
I think this is the last Matt-Post for a long while.
I went out with SY, ID, and RHM.
We were all relaxing at our favorite bar when Matt showed up.
He went and sat with some people I recognized as co-workers.
Didn't see me.

I made no move to get up and go over and say hi.
ID just gave me a look.

When the night was getting near ending, I looked up from a story that RHM was telling to see Matt standing at our table. Not only did he say hi, but he shook hands with ID and SY and gave RHM a cigarette and then settled into our table.

They all seemed happy about it.

I was not.

ID shot me a look right after RHM left that said, "End this now, or I will."
I nodded.
ID got up said he was going to walk home, and almost grabbed SY by the collar to shove him along too.
SY looked like he wanted to drink more.

It was Matt and myself.
Before I could speak, Matt said, "Last night was probably the most fun I've had since August when we broke up."
QSW: Wow, I thought the break up was horrible, I'm glad to hear you had a good time.
Matt: (giving me a look that said he didn't appreciate the sarcasm) You know what I meant.
Matt: Too bad you had to get all shitty about the text messages "Booty Call" and all.
QSW: (my turn to give a look) Oh my god.
Matt: Oh yea, I'm bringing it up.
QSW: It was at one thirty in the morning, and I apologized the next day, and you were probably drunk off your ass, because that was the only time in the 8 months we were seeing each other that you ever showed emotion.
Matt: I was stone sober.
QSW: It doesn't matter. What is this Matt? What do you want with me right now? Do you truely want to be friends? Do you want me to be happy, with someone else? Or do you only want to be happy with me? Because if that's the case, then thats too bad, I've already moved on.
(I felt like a psychotic ex girlfriend at that point, but I had had just enough beer to not care)
Matt: I honestly want what is best for you, I'm glad you are happy now. I realized at some point that what I did was stupid, but you had me freaked out. And when I freaked out, I wasn't thinking. I wasn't the guy for you, I'm married to my work and I wasn't making you happy, and if you've found happiness now than good for you. (he said the next part with a twinkle in his eye) Of course, he won't be as great as me. I mean, look at me QSW, you cannot find a face like this on this campus.

I rolled my eyes at that statement, and I felt better. I talked with him another 15 - 20 minutes and then headed home. He said a lot of sweet things to me, and I took them all with a grain of salt. I looked at it as, "If he couldn't be sweet while we were dating, then he's probably has some other motive now." But even as I said I had to go, he told me one last thing,
"QSW, I won't find another girl like you for years. I'm really sorry if I hurt you, I didn't want too."

I said thanks Matt, smiled, and walked away.

2006-11-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

I went to a local coffee shop yesterday to study.
5 people called me during that time.
Geez.

The way the coffee shops are laid out are as follows:

Greek restaurant is next door to Cafe Royal
Cafe Royal is next door to Village Coffee shop
which is on the corner
Down the next street next to Village is Vienna coffee shop
next to Vienna is Cafe Moka.

Why they decided to do this, I have no idea
How they all manage to stay open is a bigger mystery.

Above the Village coffee shop lives Matt.
Matt hates Cafe Royal and Vienna, and gets coffee once an hour at the Village.
I chose Cafe Royal as a safe bet.
Too bad they have big windows and he decided to get liquor.

It wasn't a big deal.
I was sitting reading, when suddenly it felt like someone was looking at me.
I glaced at the window and sure enough Matt was standing at it grinning.
I smiled back, and walked outside.
"What's up swiss miss?" he said.
"Just studying, and trying not to get distracted." I said.
"Wanna smoke?" he said.

So we smoked.

I chit-chatted idly with him.

I know most have said he wants me back, and believe me when I say I believe you.
Just last night, I kind of felt like he was relieved he didn't have to deal with me anymore.

Since I broke up with him by telling him that I loved him. (did I tell you that?)
He's been wary of emotion every since.
When he was talking, he said "Whoa, swiss miss, you are getting way to emotional for me." (which i didn't think i was, since we were talking about the weather)
And he said, "Well, you know me, I reel them in and dump them." (when we were talking about him picking up girls at the bar last saturday)

It was just a very odd conversation, that ended with me wanting nothing more than to go back and study.

2006-11-08T15:05:00.000-05:00

Alpha Phi Omega Overnighter is next weekend.
It’s a time to get away as a chapter, do a service project (which is usually raking leaves or painting something), and get to know the pledges.

My dear brother is in charge of Overnighter this year and he wrote a letter to all of us:
(I'll highlight the things that are actually real-life and not his imagination)

Hello my Minions,

Soon it shall be overnighter, and my quest for complete Logan domination will be in effect (Camp Logan is where it is at). All of you need to be there or I SHALL GIG YOU WITH MY MIGHTY GIGGING POWERS (gigging is when you get negative service hours on your record)!! (Unless you fill out an excuse form… they are my kryptonite.) Also, if you are free for the service part of overnighter but can’t make it to the rest and therefore were thinking of skipping overnighter all together, Don’t do this. Talk to AJ or Me. We have plans for you. Yes, diabolically genius plans. For the rest of you, be in the office on November 1lth at 8:18 in the morning. We will be leaving from there and stopping at McDonalds (yes plural… one can not handle all of us) on the way up for lunch. So bring money for lunch!! Just because you are my minions, doesn’t mean I’m buying you food!! If you show up late, you won’t get the standard denim jumpsuit and white fedora. Keep that in mind. The theme is “Blast from the past” Bring appropriate dress. Also bring your laser blasters. They shall come in handy against the armies of girl scouts we are sure to encounter in our march for victory. It may be quite cold and wet for overnighter or it could be sunny and warm. Check the weather. Also bring work gloves, Don’t forget your camouflage fatigues, face paint, k-bar daggers, cyanide pills, pocket language translator, teddy bear (standard issue), box of matches, bottle of Tylenol, 1 glazed donut, spare batteries for radios, tin foil hats, and non-dairy creamer. God help me if you forget the non-dairy creamer.
Asparagus hunt you and me in our dreams, sweetly plotting their green vengeance. Only the mushrooms can save us now.
-VP Membership
World Dominator
Megalomaniac Extraordinaire

Sometimes, he's just too far out there for even his own sister.

2006-11-08T13:42:00.000-05:00

"I asked a boy, for a few kind words... he gave me a novel instead."

It’s been a long weekend.
It started off quiet, and I was happy about that.
It ended roughly.

Currently:
*I’ve not talked to my mom since Saturday because she tried to convince me that an ex-boyfriend of mine was a good guy (which I have solid can-never-be-argued proof that he isn’t)
*I’ve received lots of random text messages from Matt.
*I got a big blast-from-the-past after unwillingly having to communicate with not one, but three ex-boyfriends (one is Matt, one is NOT the ex listed off to the side, and one is NOT the before mentioned mom-one) in one day.
*My gay boyfriend’s dad died, very suddenly and unexpectedly
*I could not go to see BB King because my eyes hurt
*And to top it off sex is bad because of my mindset from the above. (I mean bad as in, non-existent which I feel REALLY bad about… which probably doesn’t help)

That’s why I haven’t blogged lately.

Between ID and GH, I’m feeling much better.

2006-11-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

The great thing about having an office in an old police station is:

One: You can see out your office, but people can't see in.

Two: You can check your hair before walking into your office.

2006-10-31T15:04:00.000-05:00

Before GH:
QSW was considered a "vivacious vixen" or "sexy kitten" as some have called her.
Most of QSW's friends looked at her as some kind of sexual temptress.

After GH:
QSW is one half of one of those "cute couples" that everyone would truely like to stab if they got the chance. Most guys won't say anything because guys are good to their other guy friends.

Before QSW:
GH was considered some sort of Cary Grant figure. Most girls liked him so much that they were scared to admit it. Therefore making GH think that most girls didn't like him.

After QSW:
GH now realizes what lenghts girls will go to, to break up a "cute couple" if they want the male half of it. He also knows that a lot of those type of girls are also evil backstabbing whores who will open their legs if it means getting a guy that will treat them well.

Lessons have been learned on both sides.

2006-10-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

I was making a chocolate cheesecake for our apartment.
The last thing to do was to drizzle chocolate in a crosshatch pattern over the top.
As I did so, GH was standing there in hopes that I would not use all of the chocolate over the top (so he could have it).
We were talking and laughing and I wasn't paying any attention to what I was doing.
I looked down and I had chocolate all over one hand.
Laughing I held up my fingers and asked for a paper towel.

Instead, in one swift motion, GH took my index finger put it in his mouth and took all the chocolate off with his tongue.

Now, I had done this move without chocolate before. With guys, it immediate reminds them of their cock and things that can happen to it.
I, myself, had never had it happen to me.
It was a very good first for me.

Looking at him, I didn't even have to say out loud what I wanted to happen, he just grabbed the rest of the chocolate and my hand and we quickly walked/ran/don't remember back to his room.

The End. ;)

2006-10-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

GH told me today that I look like this girl only with reddish-brown hair:

which is a character from a game called Metroid.

I've never been compared to a video game character before. It was interesting. And I'm going to tease him for ever about it. ;)

This picture makes Indy right....

2006-10-29T19:29:00.000-05:00

Matt and being a friend?

2006-10-29T16:38:00.000-05:00

Randomly I ran into Matt in a parking garage on my way to see GH.

We said we were going to be friends, so I said hello, stopped, and chatted with him a bit.
He asked me about my eye (which was still red at the time) and I told him the story. I told him how the doctor gave me 16 vicodin pills to help with an eye. Impressed and shocked (he's a biomedical engineer so he thought that was a little over kill)he asked if he could have a couple.
He had cronic back pain when we dated and sometimes he couldn't sleep at night because of it. Feeling bad for him, I gave him 3.
Whether I should have done this or not, I still haven't decided. Part of me thinks it was fine, the other half feels like I could be arrested tomorrow. Whatever, I guess I made the decision and now I'll live with it.

While we were chatting (it was only 5 - 10 minutes) I told him this weekend I was going out as a Playboy bunny with my brother's ex girlfriend. He laughed said some funny comment about how he was going to be at the Where Else? Bar (the only bar I'd never be at), so he knew I wouldn't show up.
When we parted ways, he said something about having to run to Wal-mart to find a new costume because he was going to Hugh Hefner but now he was going to have to find a new costume.
I walked away finding that weird, but I wasn't really caring because I was worried that GH would be wondering where I was.
I found GH and told him what happened. He found it mildly odd, but for the most part he didn't care.

That was before the text messages.

I had told Matt that I was worried about drinking Friday and Saturday because I would be taking Vicodins in the morning and I was worried if that would affect my liver.
At midnight on Friday night I got a text message that said, "Still alive?"
Me: You were right, that combo got me drunk very quickly
Him: Be careful
Me: Going home.
Him: Wait, I came out just to see your costume

I didn't respond.

The next night, at 3 am.
Him: Are you guys coming out tonight?
Him: I just got out of a party with CJ, it was horrible (CJ was a friend of mine back in the day).
I was asleep next to GH and I didn't receive the message until the next morning at 10.
Me: Um... I was out, sorry I didn't call.
Him: (around 11)Yea, thanks alot. The party sucked too.
Me:Aw, poor thing.
Him: Tease

I didn't really know what to say or do after that so I just left it.
I.D. would call this, either A.) Ex is suffering and wants to be masochistic or B.) He wants to regain my trust and re-enter my life.

When we broke up I let Matt believe he was doing most of the break up, in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he felt he did all of it.
So I guess he's being masochistic.

Pain in the eye.

2006-10-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

Well, I thought I had pink eye.
Turns out I didn't.
Turns out I'm a medical mystery.
Two nights ago, I woke up and the pain in my left eye was so bad that I actually made a noise, waking GH up.
He took one look at my pulled open eye and took me to the ER.
There I was given some kind of magic drops that made my eye feel so much better that I passed out.
Once the doctor pointed a series of bright lights in my eye and checked the pressure which involved a series of painful drops in my eyes...
...he had no idea what was wrong.

Stumped, he handed me two pain pills and two prescriptions and told me to call a doctor in the morning (or later morning because it was 5 am). We went to Walgreens on the way home to fill the prescriptions and as I was standing up to get the meds, I almost swayed into the wall of pain medication.

GH looked at me worried.
I stopped, thought for a minute and suddenly said, "Oh god, he gave me Vicodin."
Sure enough, after GH looked down at the pill bottle he confirmed it.

So, for the last two days I've been in a Vicodin haze. I estimate about 19 hours of sleep yesterday between the hours of 5:30 am and this morning at 9 am. My eye feels better, and it seems to have cleared a bit.

Right in time for RHPS and Playboy bunny time.

2006-10-24T19:14:00.000-04:00

Its a sad day today.
Another blogger has found life elsewhere.
The Single Girl's Blog is no longer.
When I read this I was very sad, then I started thinking.
Out of the three blogs that have dissolved in the last few months, all three have been females who were "looking for an outlet" and when they found it in the "real world" they ended the blog.
First, we have Midwest from Kiss and Blog. She ended her time there because she had found a man.
Next, I found out that Imeda from Imeda loves shoes left her blog. No real reason was left other than she had moved on.
Finally, The Single girl's blog left because she also had found love.

I berated myself for gettin mad at my sex when I suddenly realized that all the male blogs I read are from single men.

I thought "Apparently you don't have much to talk about after you are in a happy relationship."

That thought was quickly dispelled when I realized I check the blog "My boyfriend is crazy" on a regular basis.
So what is it? Why are so many leaving the blogging world all of a sudden?

I'm spending a lot of my time upgrading mine.

But I wonder... Am I just on a boat that's sinking?

2006-10-22T15:46:00.000-04:00

So the EX works at Amazon.com.
I hadn't talked with him for a few weeks, so I e-mailed him and asked him what he was up too.
He told me he was now interviewing people for postitions open and most of the questions he was asking them involved div tags and CSS.

After this e-mail I remembered how I use to ride the bus in High School and hear commericals on the radio talking about Amazon.com and how it had the most books in the world. At the time I was facinated with HTML and how a website was built and I remember thinking how I could never work on a website so large. And now, I was e-mailing someone with an e-mail address that ended in @amazon.com and how It brought "real life" to my doorstep in a weird sort of way.

Ironic I thought, and told him my job was to now turn a very table-based website into a CSS and Div tag machine.
I asked for a book reference, something that would help me out, and he offered up the name Eric Meyer.

I went to B&N last night and bought the book Eric Meyer on CSS.
Very good book so far.
I find myself playing guinea pig with my site and trying to figure out how to change my workplace's site without doing a lot of damage along the way.

We shall see.

2006-10-21T12:47:00.000-04:00

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

Recently, I've become pretty good friends with my brother's ex girlfriend. It sounds odd, but I can't help but like her. She hasn't said anything really nasty about my brother (just the normal, we-aren't-seeing-each-other-but-I'm-hurt-and-need-to-vent stuff) so I don't feel like I'm compromising my brother in any way. I've briefly talked to my brother about her and he seems to genuinely care about how she is, so I don't think he's mad that I'm hanging out with her.

What I find hard, is actually watching what he does to her.

Now that I've gotten close to her, I feel sort of protective of her as well as my brother. And seeing my brother act in parties that all three of us are at makes me want to slap him. I know he's over her, but then I know she's still hurting. It's a frustrating situation I've put myself in. And just recently, much to my utter dismay, I found out that he made out with a girl while he was still in a relationship with her. That makes me sick. I've been hurt by unfaithful guys so often, to think my brother is that type of guy, makes me want to beat him senseless.

What's worse, she doesn't know, and I won't tell her.

2006-10-20T16:39:00.000-04:00

So so you know,
I'm still learning.

The one side bar will be grey and images will be centered. (those are easy, changing the pictures isn't.)

And the archives won't look so horrible

On the road again...

2006-10-18T22:56:00.000-04:00

(forgive me, I've had three white russians before starting this)
I had a bad evening a few nights ago. It started with work, continued with school and ended with female drama (I say "female" because men don't worry and compete over men like women). I decided a night drive, and a nice clove cigarette would ease my day into a pleasant night. GH drove, and I talked or unloaded.

I should back up.

Most girls do not want GH to be taken.
Most girls have bets going about how long GH and I will last as a couple.
So far, we've beaten every one of those bets and it's been 2 and a half months.

Girls can get nasty when men that they like are on the line and I've had to experience the nastyness first hand.

I'm a big girl, I can handle it, but some days when other things go wrong also, I feel hurt and betrayed by it...
...like the other night.

As I was sitting there talking to GH, I realized what a wonderful man I had, not only was he listening to me, but he was putting down those girls (who are pretty and smart), to make me feel better.
Suddenly I felt much better.
My hand slid over to GH's legs and down to the inside of his thigh.
GH actually jumped and asked what I was doing.
Laughing I said, "I think you should have road head for the amount of time you've been listening to me."
Looking completely bewildered, he said, "Road head? You mean girls actually give road head? I thought it was something my guy friends joked about but never got."
It was my turn to look shocked. I reassured him that if he didn't date prissy bitches then he would get road head from his girlfriends more often than never.
I unzipped his pants, and started.
A little while later, GH was driving with his mouth open and I had a proud look about me.

After getting his voice back, all GH could say was, "My friends were right, road head is fucking awesome."

2006-10-16T17:10:00.000-04:00

I'm teaching myself CSS and Div tags.... So Quietly Sipping Wine is getting a face lift, whether it wants it or not.
Sorry if it's not showing up in your browser, and if it isn't, please be kind and tell me... :)
Thanks
QSW

Jealous Behavior

2006-10-15T13:49:00.000-04:00

Envy.
Jealousy.
Covet.

All of those things seem bad. To me, they are bad only MOST of the time.

Last night, GH and I were discussing Halloween costumes when I decided I would be a Playboy Bunny. He, of course, would be Hugh but he mentioned how the night was going to be a long one.
I asked why and he told me that he would be fighting the urge to cover me up all evening. Interested, I asked if he would rather me pick a different outfit. He responded with a big N-O.

What a twisted world that must be...

Part of GH wants to show me off, and the other half wants to keep me from exposing myself. Do guys sit around and talk about other guys girlfriends? About how they'd look naked or how lucky the guy must be? Do they see a half exposed girl and immediately try to take her away from the guy she's with?

Then I looked at myself and thought of the times I've been jealous. Usually, I get jealous when a girl sees GH cook, or bring me coffee, or if they spent a lot of time with him and I didn't get too. But if he walked out half exposed, I wouldn't be jealous of who saw him. Does that make guys angry? Do they want their girls to wish for them to cover up? If he did walk out half exposed, I might try to sneak off with him at some point to play naughty, but I wouldn't care if other girls saw his chest or legs or whatever (ok maybe the meat and potatos part, that i might be jealous of, but who wouldn't, thats why you hate the person's ex-whatevers)

I don't know about a guy's point of view, but when girls get together to discuss boyfriends and whatnot, usually looks and nakedness are either a brief first thing, or a last brief thing to talk about. And definitely not the most important. In fact, girls tastes in men vary so much (at least from my experience) that most girls don't think the same men are good looking. They instead talk about WHAT a guy did for them sexually or not sexually.

It's a mystery on what guys talk about, but I have a good feeling most of it involves ass and titties in some way.

2006-10-13T16:42:00.000-04:00

Sigh.

You know what I did today.

I read your blogs.

It was wonderful.

I even had time to comment on some.

Two things I realized:

One, Wanderlusting, i'm sorry I had your link wrong on my page.

Two, Pop ups suck, especially when you have several windows open and they crash all of them.... which is what I experienced at Confessions of a Cyber Queen.

Oh Well.

It was a great day to have some free time to sip coffee and read about the people who blog.

2006-10-13T14:43:00.000-04:00

I've been first on vacation, and then super busy. I'm planning a blog post soon though (i've tried twice but had too awful a wireless connection).

One thing I have done in the last week was buy Madeleine Peyroux's new CD. I love this singer. Favorite on the album is the song "I'm all right."

"I'm All Right"
By: Madeleine Peyroux

He made me laugh
He made me cry
He smoked his stoogies in bed
But I'm all right
I'm all right
I've been lonely before
I asked the boy for a few kind words
He gave me a novel instead
But I'm all right
I'm all right
I've been lonely before
It's fine, it's OK
It was wrong either way
I just wanted to say
There isn't much fun when you're drinking wine
He got drunk, he fell down
He threw a few of my things around
But I'm all right
I'm all right
I've been lonely before

I'd like to believe healthy cigarettes
But I have to conceive that wherever you are
You're still driving my car
Sticks and stones break my bones
But tears don't leave any scars
So I'm all alright
I'm all alright
I've been lonely before

2006-10-06T12:34:00.000-04:00

I wrote the last blog post.
Closed my laptop.
Called MW and asked if she wanted to do dinner with me.
She said yes, but only if it was Mexican.
I told her I would meet her in 10 minutes at the new Mexican restaurant.
I get there, hug her, tell her about Matt.
She laughed and told me I handled it well.
We started chatting idly about MM, ID, and school.
5 minutes later we were at a table eating when Matt walked in.
He didn't see us.
MW just stared at me and mouthed, "What are the chances?"
"High today apparently" I said.

I picked up a quarter and flung it at him.
It hit him in the shoulder and bounced off under and empty table.

He slowly turned around gave me a strange look and said, "What are you stalking me?"
I laughed and told him that I had been first both times and that he must be stalking me.
MW and I went back to eating and we left before he got out of line (there was a very long line when he got there).

I finally made it home and collapsed into GH's arms, told him what had happened to me all day. As I told him the story, he opened a bottle of Pinot Noir, poured me a glass and handed it to me.

I told him I loved him at the point.
He just grinned and said "I know."

2006-10-05T17:39:00.000-04:00

Today I went to the library to check out a book.
On my way back I decided to stop at the coffee shop I use to work at.
I didn't want to run into Matt though...
Matt equals SO.
My readers are right, I don't want to call him SO anymore.
...I quickly looked up and down each street that the coffee shop was cornered on, and I glanced briefly at the stairs that lead to his apartment floor.
No where in sight.
Since buying a coffee takes less than 5 minutes, I decided it was safe.

I was wrong.

In the 4 minutes it took to buy and get the coffee, he showed up.
I stood at the counter, waiting on my coffee, I knew he was behind me, but I hadn't turned around yet because I had NO idea on what to say.
When the bile started to build and I started having horrible thoughts of this turning into a bad situation, I felt my bookbag move up, and then down... as in someone kicking it lightly with his foot.

I turned around and smiled and said, "Hi how are you?"
He returned the question and I returned the answer he gave.
I turned back around to collect the money when a penny dropped out of my hand to the floor.
Before I dated him, he use to come down to that same coffee shop and throw pennies at the girls behind the counter as a flirty way of communicating his regard.
Looking down at the penny I said, "That's for later, when you run out of pennies and you need some to throw at people," I said with a smile.
I walked over to the counter to put cream and sugar in my coffee.
A penny came whizzing at my leg.
I looked up smiling, and said, "Wow, I didn't know it would be so immediate."
He just shrugged his shoulders smiling also.
I walked out the door saying, "Have fun Matt."
He said, "You too."

At least know I don't fear that situation anymore.

2006-10-04T15:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I hit a milestone in my life.
I went into business for myself.
For making a simple logo and business card in my spare time, I was paid 500 dollars on the spot when it was completed. My freelance employer then asked me to do a website for him.

Thus, Rockstar Designs was born.

Natalie

2006-10-03T19:40:00.000-04:00

Red Hot Mama has a friend named Natalie.
Natalie is one of those people that you meet that you don't forget very easily. When she walks into a room she commands it... without really trying.

The first time I met her I was in a bar with RHM and another girl named Stacey, Stacey didn't say much and I was beginning to get restless with just RHM and myself doing all the talking (RHM looked like she was in the same place).

In walked Natalie, she had grey tweed slacks on, and a simple black shirt and simple black heels, but every head turned as she walked up to our table. She sat down, flung her long hair over her shoulder and said, "Sorry, traffic was a motherfucker."

From then on she had our attention

I chatted wildly with her about past relationships, stupid boys who ruined them, and life in general. She actually dates more older men then men her age, something I was scared I was falling into (I've dated someone who is 10 years my senior, 9 years, 7 years and 6 years) and we chatted about the pros and cons of that for a good while. After awhile it was just her and I talking over too many sex-on-the-beaches. RHM and Stacey became quite, probably because of too many whiskey sours and vodka tonics (respectfully). Soon it was time to go. And on a parting note we exchanged phone numbers so we could hang out again.
We never really called each other again, and RHM is sure to hang out with either Natalie or me, but never together. But still, I think about what it would be like to have a friend like. RHM says that she and I are so much alike that we'd grow tired of each other and get in fights. Maybe one day she'll be right. But for sure, I definitely have a woman-crush on Natalie.

2006-09-26T18:55:00.000-04:00

Recently my womanhood was made fun of.
The people who made fun of it, were not ones that I'd care to call friends, so I wasn't too worried about it.
Basically what it came down to was the fact that I did not have my wedding already planned out, and I had no idea what a princess cut diamond was.
To this, they went out and bought me a Cosmopolitan magazine so that I could "brush up" on what it was to be a woman.

After flipping through it, I have decided being male is much less complicated and more fun.

The only thing I like about being a woman is this strange power I have over men just because I have breasts.

Back to the Cosmos though.
I don't normally read magazines (unless its Playboy, which I find fascinating), but today I decided to flip through it because I was trying to stay awake in class.
I found some of the most asinine things I've ever read in my life.
Things that SHOULD BE common sense.
Are women this dumb?
I'm not speaking to the females that read this blog. I KNOW that you haven't read these similar articles and thought to yourself, “Huh, I learned something new,” because if you had, your blogs wouldn't be as interesting as they are.

This is for every blank-staring, wide-eyed, dumb ass female I've ever hated.
Are you that dumb?

The only thing I found remotely entertaining was the amount of cute shoes that were placed in the magazine, but then again, there are a lot of cute shoes in Playboy too and I don't really care if the woman wearing them has clothes or not.
I'm there simply for the shoes.

Three is always better than two*

2006-09-24T22:00:00.000-04:00

*Baby, I know I told you, that you were number 4 in the girls I slept with but you are actually number 6.

So, GH and I like to smoke ketek cigarettes together and chat. Sometimes chatting turns into confessions. Tonight, I felt like confessing something that I thought was bad, that I had done.

Me: GH, I've made a movie
GH: What? Like a porn movie?
Me: Yes, I'm sorry
GH: No shit? Is it on the internet?
Me: No, it was with The EX and he wouldn't have put it on there.
GH: (laughing)Holy shit, I'm dating a porn star.
Me: Whatever! I'm not a porn star!

The conversation went on and he kept teasing me about the video, and asking all sorts of questions. I was glad to see he found it impressive instead of horribly promiscuous, like I originally thought he would. Later on our second ketek cigarette, he mentioned he had a confession, intrigued I asked what it was.

"You're number 6" he said. I knew what he meant. In the line up of girls he'd slept with, he originally told me that I was number 4. Since the only way I could figure out how he had hid not one but two from me, I asked in a surprised manner, "You've had a threesome?!"

GH: Yes, I'm sorry. It was two years ago, and we were all high.
Me: Holy shit, are you serious?
GH: Yes... Are you going to get mad at me?
Me: (laughing really hard) Mad? Are you serious? I'm fucking impressed. Of the 8 guys I've dated all of them have wanted threesomes, but none of them every got one.
GH: Well, its not something I'm proud of, I had no idea what I was doing.
Me: (thoughtful for a minute) So this would have been number 2 and 3 girls?
GH: Yes, they both just started making out, and then one of them grabbed me and I kind of got dragged into it.
Me: (still very impressed with my seemingly innocent boyfriend) So you were just serviced and then left?
GH: Well, I rotated between the two of them, but it was really bad.
Me: You didn't get off?
GH: No I got off a lot...
Me: So it was bad, but only in that Catholic sense...
GH: Yea.....
I have to say, I'm impressed with my boyfriend.

Is it always the quiet ones that are the most deviant?

2006-09-24T14:23:00.000-04:00

Last night GH was sick.
Cold and flu are running around campus like the plague.
He just had a cold, but felt bad.
So I told him to sit, while I made dinner.
It was 15 minutes later when we both realized that my brother's ex girlfriend (LLPA) was suppose to stop by for dinner and a movie.
She was to bring dessert and we were to provide dinner.
Orginially we were going to do something simple, but that didn't seem right since she was bringing french silk pie and chocolate peanut butter pie.

I pulled out the recipe book and got to work.
GH kept popping in offering to help, but I kept sending him back out to play Final Fantasy VII.

15 minutes left on the meal and LLPA knocked on the door.
Perfect timing.
I had made Mustard Chicken and Twice baked potatos in record time.

GH walked into the kitchen to let me know she had arrived and looked around his kitchen.
Spotless, with potatoes ready to go, and a wonderful smell coming from the oven, he looked amazed.
He said, "You know, I was wrong about you, I thought you were a Rockstar and wild and untamed, but you are just a homemaker at heart."
I smiled and said, "The Rockstar front is just to protect myself from men."
"Oh I know," he said "I love both sides of you."
Feeling like someone was getting to the core of me and remembering that LLPA was still waiting out in the living room, I turned his shoulders, smacked his butt, and said, "Go."

Secretly I was very pleased.

2006-09-22T16:13:00.000-04:00

I was sent this today and told that this is something I would definitely say if I had the chance.
I'm not sure whether to pat myself on the back or be offended.

I have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her no, that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. I'd lost 50 pounds but I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete, it kills your appetite, and you eat fewer calories, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no - I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

2006-09-20T16:59:00.000-04:00

FabulouslyNew came up to me today and asked how wild GuitarHero and I were.

"What do you mean?" I asked.
FN said, "Well I have a key that goes to the door of the conference room on the third floor."
"You mean, you are asking whether or not he and I would have a quicky in the conference room?" I said.
"Exactly.. my boyfriend won't do it, and before I graduate I want someone to have sex in President Jischke's leather chair." He grinned.
(long pause)
"I can see why he didn't want to do it... and I'm pretty sure I'm not adventurous enough either." I cautiously said.

"Damnit" was all he could reply.

I have to admit, that sounds very kinky and fun... ;)

Trash talker

2006-09-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

I'm wildly protective of my brother.
My brother and I are in the same organization
My brother and his ex-girlfriend are in the same organization
Therefore, she and I are in the same organization.

We shall call her LonelyLadybutPassiveAgressive or LLPA for short.

I like LLPA, honestly. I was happy when she and my brother started dating.
I'm happy she's friends with GuitarHero.
I am not happy when she talks about my brother behind his back and in front of me
I am not happy when she freaks out and makes everyone in our organization feel bad about one of my brother's jokes.

I am protective.

I realize that my brother has done some assholish things in the past. And when she first broke up with him and came over to GH's apartment and was trash talking my brother (i was there for a little of it) I didn't say anything. What she was complaining about didn't seem like that big of a deal in a break up, but I wasn't going to say anything because I thought he could of done something more horrible to her.

Like I said, I honestly like her.

Friday night rolls around, and she was at a party that GH and I were attending. My brother was no where to be seen. GH had a missed call from him, so he calls him back.
My brother was staying in for the night, so that LLPA could enjoy herself without the worry of him showing up (my brother tends to be the center of attention whether he tries for it or not).

In my opinion, very adult move on his part.

So a few days later, I was sitting in the office, and LLPA started trash talking him again.
One, it's been a month since the break up
Two, I know at this point my brother is honestly not trying to be an asshole
Three, I'm very protective of my brother.

So, I sat (she sat down right next to me) with my mouth closed, boiling blood, listening her freak out about something that obviously wasn't directed at her. I was about to say something when I realized that all the people in the room were all sitting with their mouths closed, not saying anything.
I waited, soon she left, and I said nice things before she left. As soon as she walked out the door, everyone in the room started saying things like, "Why is she freaking out so much, it was obviously a joke and she didn't have anything to do with it?" I didn't say anything. I kind of felt bad for her after that. I know people love my brother, but now I suddenly realize why she freaks out so much. I wouldn't want to break up with GH and suddenly realize that all my friends love GH more than me.

So I think this weekend I might hang out with her.

The sister of the most beloved Alpha Phi Omega member, hanging out with the ex-girlfriend should shut everyone up for a little while.

I think my brother will approve also.

To Blow or not to Blow...

2006-09-18T23:41:00.000-04:00

In the famous words of my gay boyfriend FabulouslyNew: "I cannot keep my mouth off his cock."
GuitarHero and I have crossed over into that stage where you would call us "lovers." I know it's a lot more than that to us, but to the outside objective view, that's what we are.

While I did some crazy things with SO, with GH I find myself going out on limbs I've never climbed out on. For instance, this past Saturday night (we didn't get to go to chicago, but it's a long story that I don't want to talk about), GH had friends come in from Texas to visit. While they were visiting with them at the bars, I slipped my hand right inside the inside of his thigh.

GH just looked at me with an arched eyebrow gaze and said nothing.
The look was everything.

The bars got crowded after awhile, and we decided to move to another, after viewing that bar (and I was feeling uncomfortable because it was a favorite haunt of SO's) we decided to head to GH's apartment since his roommates were gone.
They were talking and drinking when I remembered that GH had blankets in the dryer down the hall.
After asking him if they were done, and he telling me they weren't, I decided to go and dry them some more.
GH refused to let me go by myself, and I found myself in a laundry room with a dryer, me, and GH.

What started out as playful banter, quickly turned into me ripping off GH's pants and him saying, "Here? Now?"
A little while later, he was happy it was "here" and "now," and we walked back into an apartment with 4 people talking and laughing.

I still feel proud of myself. Not sure why though.

Playful Sunday afternoon

2006-09-17T19:32:00.000-04:00

(while kissing GuitarHero)
While kissing his forehead, he moved his hand behind my neck and started moving my head so I was kissing his forehead, then his cheek, then his nose...)
GuitarHero: I like how you just kiss wherever I move your head.
QSW: GuitarHero, if you think for a second I don't know where this comment is going...
GuitarHero: (in the best innocent face I've ever seen) What? (then a huge grin)

I couldn't help but laugh...

2006-09-13T13:46:00.000-04:00

It wasn't until CrazyBeautiful e-mailed me with this...

"I just wanted to say that if your in Chicago, might you have time for a
drink and ponder the looks of wombat."

...that I realized I wasn't the only one who pondered the looks of the people who frequent my blog.
I've often wondered what Wombat, Indy, MBIC and Scorpy look like in "real" life.
I thought I was alone with those thoughts, but now I wonder how many other people ponder the same thing.
I've always kept my "real" identity a secret. Mainly because I have scary ex-boyfriends who still "google" me and try to figure things out about me. Other reasons include parents, brother, friends, current boyfriend and anyone I know finding this site.

I see other people like Fab and Phil who put their picture up with no problems. I wonder if most of their friends know about their blog. Or are they still unknown?

Why do you choose to put up your picture or choose not too?

It's interesting how pictures aren't a huge deal in the blogging world. I like being flirty with the males who comment on my blog, and I appreciate and look forward to the other female perspectives I get from this blog. I wonder if those things would change if I knew what someone looked like? I wonder if people would stop commenting on my life if they knew what I looked like? Blogging proves that humans don't need to know what someone looks like to appreciate them. I appreciate a lot of stories and comments I read in my blog and other's blogs and a lot of times they are talked about in my "real" life. I usually refer to them as friends. Are they really? GH and I frequently talk about Kiss n Blog which is Wombat's website.
So would that make it "real" life?
I think this all boils down to one question...
What is blogging?

2006-09-11T17:04:00.000-04:00

I’ve had somewhat of a writer’s block the past few weeks.

While I was dating SO, I was (on several occasions) lost and confused about what I was doing and where I was going with the relationship.
Looking back on it, I've noticed that it was a very cold relationship with spurts of warmth that would make me happy.
It was like sitting in a cold room and right about the time you start to feel the Goosebumps someone would throw a sweater or blanket on me. The sweater or blanket would always come off eventually leaving me in the cold room without Goosebumps…. Then the process would start over.

When that sweater would come on, or when I noticed Goosebumps, this blog would be my release from my thoughts. You, the audience, would comment and I would see the objective view to my life.

Objective views are always refreshing to me.

But now, I’m kind of lost on what to write here for the moment.
I’m in a constant state of happiness with no drama in my life.

That makes boring blog posts.

So if I don’t post as much as usual in the next week, please don’t worry, I’m hoping by next weekend (I go to Chicago to meet GH’s sister and husband) I’ll have something a little more interesting to write about.

2006-09-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

Wednesday night, the former SO text messaged me.
Or should I say Thursday morning, because the hour was 1 am.

Of all my exs, SO was the one I thought would truely fall off the face of the planet.
I guess I was wrong.
Nothing too dramatic, but here is the gist of the conversation.

Text messaged conversation:
SO: How have you been?
Me: Sleeping tonight, APO stuff all week, you?
SO: Getting up at 6 or 7 am and still not use to waking up alone.
Me: I don't know what to say to that.
SO: I didn't expect much, I just was living with a moron last month and you came over a lot, and this month is quieter and not a lot is going on.
Me: Booty call, that's sad. (I meant this sarcastically, but it wasn't taken so, and had I not been half asleep I probably would have re-thought the comment)
SO: I don't know where that came from, but I was just text messaging you to find out how you are, If I wanted to get laid I would walk outside and get some.
Me: I'm sorry, I meant the comment sarcastically (we were very sarcastic to each other when we were dating) I'm sorry you lived with a moron last month and I'm happy you are doing well.
SO: OK.

I called him the next morning and left him a voice mail saying that I was sorry my sarcastic comment wasn't taken well and I felt like when we broke up that I could easily talk to him if I ever saw him on the street or wherever, now I didn't feel that way, and if he felt the same way, then he should text message me back.

I never heard from him though.

Extreme Volleyball

2006-09-06T16:56:00.000-04:00

Since Purdue University is filled with students who are engineers or scientists or math majors, there are not a lot of “semi” crazy stuff that goes on here.

We either go extreme or go home.

Take, for instance, volleyball in college.
Now you might be picturing in your head a nice sand court with a bunch of swimsuits and co-ed people. This picture would probably be accurate if you went to some liberal school on the west or east coast.
Not in Midwest, conservative Indiana.
Here we have it extreme.

In the beginning of September when the average temperature is in the low 70’s, Purdue students will gather around the volleyball courts, take 40 degree water, fill the courts and create what is fondly known as,

Mud Volleyball.

It's a lot of fun though...

(yes those are my and GH's legs)

2006-09-05T15:12:00.000-04:00

Over the last few weeks I've begun to realize how I've treated my friends the past 8 months and how unhappy I was.
I guess this is true after any break up, there is always some degree of, "Wow, why did I live with that?"
But this seems different than my past relationships.
It's like I'm coming out of some kind of fog and I had no idea I was in the fog.
In fact, I was fairly sure the fog kept me happy.
I'm sure now it doesn't.
For one, my friends have all commented on how happy I am all of a sudden.
M.W. said it was as if I took some kind of happy drug that I won't share with the rest of the world.
Two, I was pretty unhappy about not having someone to depend on.
And even though I think I was falling for S.O. it was definitely only one sided.
Apparently I have enough time and energy to make up for both sides of a relationship.
Now that I'm back to doing things one-sided I have so much more appreciation for it.
GuitarHero doesn't know what hit him, he keeps saying things like, "QSW, You do not have to thank me over and over again for opening the door for you." or "QSW! Stop apologizing, you act as if I'm going to hit you because you suggested a restaurant to eat at. I'm glad you have a voice when it comes to food!"
And so on...

GH does a lot of sweet things for me.
The one that probably takes the cake for every other guy I've ever known was waking up at 6:30 am, on a Sunday, to go to the Purdue Stadium, and clean 33 bathrooms with me.
We are both from Alpha Phi Omega and our chapter needs money.
I signed up for the project originally.
We needed more people.
I asked him to do the project also.
He agreed.
And he smiled and laughed with me all the way through it.
It's interesting what you find from the Breakfast Clubbers.
I think I have my costume for next time.

Conversation Friday

2006-09-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

Brother: You missed a fun night last night.
Me: Sorry, I was in bed by midnight last night.
Brother: Oh Sorry.
Brother: I didn't realize it was your birthday last night.
(I just stared at him wondering why he thought that)
Brother: How old are you now? 83?

SevenYears: What are your plans tonight?
Me: Um... IrishDrinker informed me last night that I was to drink with you and him because I hadn't seen you guys since Tuesday.
SevenYears: Oh... Well I wish he would have told me that, so I didn't look like an idiot right now. Where are we going?
Me: I have no idea, IrishDrinker basically barked an order at me, and I said "Yes Sir."
Any Suggestions on where we go?
SevenYears: Preferably a dark, damp alley. (pause) Dimly lit. (pause) In the bad part of town.
Me: Can people stand around us shooting up drugs?
SevenYears: Or maybe just shooting each other...
Me: Sounds like a great Friday night if you ask me.
SevenYears: Great! I'll set that up whenever I get home.

2006-08-31T12:50:00.000-04:00

I'm very excited.
Today I had my first meeting with what looks to be my very first freelance job.
The guy liked a lot of my stuff and had only minor suggestions on what he thought would look better.
I think freelance is one of those things where if you walk in acting like you know what you're doing, people will just believe you and like what you put in front of them.
When you're scared shitless, its very hard to put on a professional I-don't-care-if-you-don't-like-my-work-because-I-don't-need-you attitude.
I guess I pulled that off though, because by the end of the meeting he was talking about putting a couple of my designs on t-shirts, coffee cups, and business cards.

My life has done a complete make-over lately.
I think my next name will be "Casually Knocking-back Coctails"

The Drama Queen.

2006-08-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

I'm not all about being dramatic.
I'll admit, there are times when I get carried away and my melodramatic side shines through, but for the most part, I try to stay away from DRAMA.

I broke up with SO a week ago.
We had been seeing each other for 8 months before I did that.
GH had briefly seen a girl in the month of May.
It ended when she made out with a different guy at my brother's party this June.

Who are we having problems with right now?
Not SO.
I haven't seen or heard from him.
But every day we've heard from, let's call her, Debbie Downer.

DD does not get the hint very easily.
A month ago I basically started dating GH.
It didn't turn physical until a week ago, but emotionally I was already his.
About two weeks ago, DD decided that she would dated GH again.
No rhyme or reason behind it.
Just woke up one day and thought, "I remember that guy back in May, I bet he'd be fun to date right now."
So then the calling started.
Two, Three times a day, with at least two messages on why he hadn't called her back.
He would call her back, and tell her he was busy or that he was tired.
She wouldn't be silenced though.
Text messages at 3 am asking what he was up too.
E-mails at 4 am yelling at him for not answering her.
Phone calls at 8 am apologizing for the 3 and 4 am behaviors.

It was never ending, that is, until he and I went public.
News spread like wild fire.
Apparently I'm wanted by many men in our co-ed fraternity.
The fact that I was dating one was hot stuff.
She found out.
Ooooooh the drama came in waves.
If I had copies of her e-mails I'd post them for you.
The manipulative, immature behavior that came from this pathetic creature was amazing.
She demanded that he apologize to her.
That he come visit her and apologize face to face.
That breaking it off with me would be the best thing since he had promised her first that they would date.
GuitarHero is a nice guy, he bends over backwards for even his enemies.
Its a part of why I'm dating him.
I love nice guys.
But he reached his breaking point with her on that one e-mail where it said to break it off with me.
I've never seen him angry, and I've known him for 8 months.
Debbie Downer finally shut the fuck up today.

100 post, turning points everywhere

2006-08-24T13:58:00.000-04:00

So when something tramatic or dramatic happens to me, I usually keep quiet about it and don't tell anyone until I feel like I'm handling the situation well.
I think it's some kind of protective measure I do without realizing it.

So I.D., S.Y., M.M., and M.W. have all been in the dark about my life for the last 3 weeks.
M.M. and M.W. have been quite upset thinking something very serious was happening with me (which in a way they were right).

Yesterday:

Coffee with M.W.:

Me: (to starbucks lady) Can I have a tall dark roast?
(turns to MW) I broke up with SO for another man.
Starbucks Lady: Anything else?
Me: No thanks but I think she wants something, (turns to MW and realize her mouth is wide open) MW? Coffee?
MW: (to starbucks lady very suddenly) COFFEE!
Me: You ok MW?
MW: QSW! You should have made this coffee break at least two hours if you are going to drop information like that in my lap. I need time to recover so I can be productive!

Drinks with I.D.:
I.D.: So you just walked away? Like... You didn't fight at all?
Me: No, I swear, he even asked if we should fight or something and I just laughed, hugged him goodbye and left.
I.D.: Shit woman.... I'm proud of you.

Discussion with brother:
Brother: Wait.. What?
Me: I broke up with S.O.
Brother: Shit we need to plan things better, we are going to give our mother a drama overload.
Me: What?
Brother: I just broke up with my girlfriend too.

2006-08-23T15:26:00.000-04:00

To my fellow bloggers:
I have not been completely honest with you.
I have not been completely honest with even my friends.
Please give me a chance to explain.

3 weeks ago (almost 4 now) I went to a party with my brother and all our mutual friends. I remained very close to my brother even after we moved out of our parent’s house. They sometimes call us the “so and so twins,” (“so and so” being our last name). There I met a man, whom I talked to from 10 in the evening to almost 4:30 in the morning. The party raged on, and we sat alone, outside, talking. Most of our friends thought we left around 10:30 and only one or two realized we sat outside.
While alcohol intake was what broke the ice initially, by 4:30 both of us were very sober.

I left and went home around 4:30 and I thought about him throughout the next day.
I did nothing.

I saw S.O. the next day.
Hung out with him all day, and I remember him saying things like, “Wow, you are really clingy today,” and “did you take crazy pills?”
I remember feeling like a kitten on valium.
I did nothing.

I spent the remainder of that week as far away as possible from my brother, our mutual friends, and him.
With the next weekend approaching, a lot of my friends were leaving the University for good. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all nights I went out with those who were leaving. He and my brother went to all those nights also. It is pointless to say that because of those nights, he and I grew closer.
In the game of chess, Check.
I did nothing.

In the middle of the following week, I went out for a pitcher with I.D.
Just I.D. and I.
I told him what was going on with S.O. because he asked.
He could see through me and told me I wasn’t happy with him.
I chose not to believe him.
I went over to S.O.’s house that night.
I did nothing.

The next weekend was quickly approaching.
I decided I would spend it with S.O. repairing what I had somehow lost over the last few weeks.
He decided he wanted to hang out with his buddies all weekend.
I saw him only at night.
I did nothing.

The Tuesday of baseball and porno, provided me with the first really good time with S.O. in ages.
I decided right then and there that the past 2 and half weeks were just my imagination running away with me.
I woke up that morning and wanted to shout because I knew in my heart that I was right.
I sent the e-mail.
I had the weekend to think about it.
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I slept without S.O.
I thought a lot about him.
I realized at some point I was in a rut with him.
“Still, there’s that e-mail, “ I said to myself.
Saturday and Sunday I hung out with mutual friends.
Checkmate.
I did nothing.

Monday rolled around.
S.O. called me.
Told me to come over.
When I saw him, he acted like nothing had happened.
He ignored the e-mail after he read it.
I sat in his apartment for 1 hour thinking.
We were watching baseball.
I sat away from him.
Not normal for me, and he kept asking what was wrong.
I told him I thought we should break up.
A look of shocked crossed his face.
After realizing I was serious, he said, “I’ll really miss you, you were one of the best girlfriends I’ve had, will you promise not to make out at the bars in front of me?”
But he accepted it quite readily
I knew this is how it would be.

3 hours after I left home, I returned home.
I lay in my bed, and tears streamed down my face.
I did nothing but cry.
After a bit, I calmed down.
I sat up.
I breathed and realized I would be alright.
I worked the rest of the evening.

The next day when I awoke I wasn’t upset like I thought I’d be.
I was sort of relieved.
I had to retell the story countless times.
It wasn’t hard for me.
I realized I.D. was right.
That night I did nothing, but talk to him on the phone.

No day but today.

2006-08-22T08:57:00.000-04:00

In a move that surprised not only my boyfriend, but surprised me, I dumped him.
I wanted more.
He wasn't upset about the e-mail, in fact, he acted like nothing was wrong between us.
But I knew that he'd never move more forward than at the stage he was at right then.
He told me so, once upon a time.

I realized that even though the story started with "once upon a time" it wasn't going to end with "happily ever after."

I want a "happily ever after" in my life.

2006-08-18T08:30:00.000-04:00

So everyone I know except M.M. and M.W. is moving right now.
I'm even moving.
Today (ut oh).
So yesterday i was helping friends move (one good turn deserves another), and we decided to mix alcohol with heavy lifting.
Not the brightest idea.

When the recliner came down on my toe and broke it, I was only in mild pain.
It wasn't until 2 hours later and many trips back and forth from car to apartment that I started realizing it was hurting.
Alcohol is a very effective pain killer.

I feel like Indy at this point.

2006-08-16T16:25:00.000-04:00

"I love you."
Three words almost impossible to say sometimes.
Even when you really mean them.

So much is attached to them.
When there shouldn't be.

In May I realized that I had feelings of love for S.O.
I knew he had strong feelings for me, but how much, I had no idea.
He told me from day one that he was not one to show emotion and
he was not one to get into "serious" relationships.

I have no idea what that means.

Today I grew to a point where I couldn't take it anymore.
This morning when I got up, I took a shower in S.O.'s apartment.
As I was leaving I kissed him on the forehead.

I walked to work.
Sat down at my desk.
And typed up an e-mail to him.

I told him that I knew he wasn't one for emotion.
and that he didn't want a "serious" relationship.
I told him I didn't know what that meant, but I thought it meant that he didn't want anyone in love with him.
I told him I had fallen for him. (I did NOT say I love you)
I told him that if he was really offended by this, that we could end it.
I told him I was prepared for the worse.
I told him that if he wanted too, he could wait until Monday to deal with me.
I signed it with the first inital of my first name.

I don't even care if this is not how it works.
Sometimes you have to make your own rules to be happy.
And I wasn't going to be happy unless I said something.

Porno and Baseball

2006-08-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

So S.O. has been living with a guy who has the maturity level of a 14 year old and is in the apartment ALL THE TIME.
He is in S.O.'s only bedroom.
S.O. and I have the futon in the living room.
I don't think you can imagine how horrible our sex life is right now.
If this is how it's going to be when you have kids, then count me out for at least another 7 years.

So last night, S.O.'s plans were to go to a dinner with his co-workers and then out to the bars.
Kind of disappointing to me, even though I didn't show it, because it was his last night here before heading to Chicago for a week.
I came over to his apartment at 5 and I told him that as long as I could spend time with him from 5 to 7 then I wouldn't bother him while he was out with his buddies at the bar (his original suggestion was that I come along when everyone headed to the bars).

He said ok.
Then after awhile he asked if I was hungry.
I thought that odd, and I said, "Yes, I'm planning on getting something as soon as you leave for your dinner."
He decided then to take me out to dinner and call his co-workers to let them know he wasn't going out with them.
Very sweet of him.
After dinner, (we ate earlier than everyone, so his 14 year old roommate/co-worker hadn't even left yet for the dinner) I told him that he should still go with this co-workers to dinner even if he didn't eat. He kind of shrugged his shoulders.
His roommate started to get ready to leave and asked if S.O. was coming with.
S.O. said no, that he was too full to move.

The roommate left.

As the door closed it suddenly dawned on me that it was just S.O. and me and no one else.
NO ONE ELSE.
Animal lust and basic instinct kicked in.

After the first rush of lust finally past us and we were lying naked on his futon he suddenly remembered the baseball game was on.
I love baseball, so I got up to put it on.
He walked to his computer and put on porn.

Baseball and porn.
It was heavenly.
For the next hour and a half it was teasing, watching home runs, sex, and oral pleasure.
Towards the end of the second hour, I was getting tired and cold (his air conditioning was freezing) so I put on my clothes.
S.O. laughed at me, put on his pants and then asked how long the clothes were going to stay on.
At that comment, I pulled his pants off again, and started a blow job.
I did not finish it.
Roommate home.
A mad dash for the rest of the clothes was all we could get done.
Condoms wrappers on the coffee table.
Porn still on the computer.

Roommate walks in and mentions the porn and baseball playing side by side.
S.O. and I just grin.
S.O. whispers, "one more week with a roommate."
I sigh.
Porno ends. Condoms are discretely picked up and thrown away.
Baseball game still on at least.

Then the roommate gets up, walks to the computer, and starts playing porn again.
He points and giggles.
S.O. says, "I swear only one more week."

The roommate turns to us and says, "Have you guys ever done a threesome?"

Creepy.

2006-08-15T15:39:00.000-04:00

Last night I sat out at a bar with three people I had no desire to see.
Not surprising, when I got home and found I couldn't fall asleep right away.
3:30 am was the last time I looked at the clock.
This morning I had to be at work at 8 am.

Today I dealt with the incoming freshman.
You have NO IDEA how awesomely-fucking-cool 18 year olds fresh-out-of-high-school are.
Believe you me, I had no idea.

S.O. is behaving like a donkey's ass.
Saturday when I left him he was sweet and charming.
He went to Indy to visit his best friend.
Came back like a donkey's asshole and has been that way ever since.

I poured myself a cup of coffee that had been sitting in the pot since 8:30 am.
I walked to the microwave, heated it, and sat down with it.
My co-worker looked at me and said, "The need for caffeine is strong with this one."

I didn't even have the energy to say "shut up."

2006-08-14T21:07:00.000-04:00

Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.
Love Revealed.

2006-08-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

I've been horrible, but I should start at the beginning.

S.O. and I are both flirts.
When I dated EX, he use to make me feel very guilty for flirting with anyone (could have been a cop to get out of speeding ticket, yet I'd still be made to feel guilty).
When I first started dating S.O. I didn't flirt at all with anyone, until one day I realized he was doing it right in front of me.
I felt better after that, a little part of me was allowed to grow back.
Some of you might sound shocked, but flirting is a big part of anyone.
Everyone does it, and it's not healthy to kill it (I believe anyway).

That night I went from sitting and chit-chatting, back to a flirt.
S.O. noticed, and asked if it bothered me that he flirted (he thought I was being passive aggressive).
I said very seriously, "S.O., If you keep your cock in your pants and your tongue in your mouth, I honestly don't care who you flirt with."
He said the same thing (uh, only female parts and tongue), and I've heard him say to his friends (when they talk about their girlfriends), "Q.S.W. understands, she allows me to chase, as long as I don't do anything stupid."

I'll grant you that sometimes I feel I'm treading in murky waters, but I think that's a part of any relationship, trusting that your significant other has put you in safe waters and not dangerous ones.

Now my story.

I went out this weekend with my friends because it was one of my friend's last night here. I got a little tipsier than usual. I was an obnoxious flirt, I'd flirt with girls, guys, trees, I didn't care.

At one point, my brother's good friend shows up.
Sober.
I KNOW at the back of my head that he likes me.
With some men, it's obvious.
If you are with someone,
stay away from those.

I start to flirt with him.
Let me just say, this guy is a really nice guy.
Not only that, he's sweet too.
And on top of all that, if I wasn't seeing S.O.
I might try to go for him.
And on top of all that, he has the same first name as S.O.
I start out my evening of flirting with him by saying,
"Is it cheating, if both of them have the same first name?" (I told you I was obnoxious)
Everyone laughs and everyone knows I'm seeing S.O. they've met him.
I am NOT leading on anyone.

Let the flirting begin.
It's like the game of chess.
The key is not to let it get to check or checkmate if you are seeing someone.
I try not to let it get to my side of the board.
Brother'sFriend cheated.
Every time I had my back turned flirting with a tree or bush (hey, I'm an equal opportunity flirter), he took a piece of mine away.
Until he said "check"
Not Fair.
I turned and left the game.
I showed up an hour earlier than intended to S.O.'s apartment.
He didn't ask any questions.
Until the text messaging started.
5 fucking text messages.
Brother'sFriend wanted to still play the game, and I tried like mad to shut it down.
I feel bad, I think he really likes me.

Thankfully, all S.O. said was, "another stalker of yours?"
I said yes, and told him it was a friend of my brother's and then curled up with him and passed out.

I still feel bad though, that one got out of hand.

2006-08-13T16:40:00.000-04:00

Picture, if you will, its subtle contours, its perfecct balance.
Imagine, for a moment, those exquisite golden cookies.
Now, especially consider that layer of deep, luxuriously rich, dark chocolate...
OK, now totally double that last part.

When you describe chocolate cookies like that, its no wonder why they get eaten.. I feel like giving them my first born.

Ten points for the person who knows what cookie that is.

2006-08-12T19:03:00.000-04:00

I am not a woman known for her dramatic behavior.
More than one person has said how easy going and relaxed I am in an upsetting situation.
So last week, when I did freak out, I wondered how S.O. would react.
I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised, he was prince charming underneath that rough exterior of his.
He would rub my shoulders, stroke my hair, and cuddle with me for hours.
He's done all those things in the past for me, but never so much at once, and never so often.
When my upsetting situation ended, I was so happy I went over to his apartment and cleaned it ENTIRELY, cooked him food, and did his laundry.

I've done all those things in the past for him, but never so much at once.

I think he knew it was a big thank you to him.

2006-08-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

Oh THANK YOU GOD!

2006-08-09T13:53:00.000-04:00

Oh, No by Shivaree

Oh, No

I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
Oh no

I think I want you
I think I want you
I think I want you
Oh no

I think I'll wreck you
I think I'll wreck you
I think I'll break you in two
Oh no

I think I'll eat you
I think I'll eat you
I think I'll eat you alive
Oh no.

Listen here.

A very personal post, sorry if I offend

2006-08-09T09:06:00.000-04:00

I'm in some sort of a game.
Some kind of man game.
I didn't know men played games, but apparently they do.
I.D. and S.Y. are both acting odd.
I.D. is acting odd, like he's very disappointed in me.
S.Y. cannot fathom why I haven't left S.O. and run after him.

I tell S.O. all this, and he just laughs and kisses me.
I like him.
The most honest I have ever been has been with him.
I always have the feeling that he sees through anything I would try to hide (even small things), so I just don't bother. Honesty is my policy.

I had a small fight with S.O. on Friday. Wait, let me back up, I had a small fight, he didn't know we were fighting. I think that is usually how it works.

Yesterday, I was looking at the calendar, and I thought, "My gosh, I haven't seen S.O. since the morning of the 5th."
As I was staring, I was trying to think why "5th" was ringing some kind of bell in my head.
Then it hit me, that was the day my period was suppose to start.
I looked at today's date (which was yesterday), it's the 8th.
3 days late.
My body is like clockwork, for the last year my period has happened on either the 3rd, 4th, or 5th.
Panic strikes.

For the next hour, I stared at my computer.
I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything.
Just stared.

Finally at 11:30 I text messaged S.O., "Hey, if you have any free time tonight, I'd really like a moment with you."
That was as calm as I could sound.

I waited.

At 12:45 I get a call. It's him, and he sounds half awake.
"What's up?" he asks, almost if he's annoyed with me.
This is the first conversation I'm having with him in 3 days and he sounds annoyed, more panic.
"Hey, I'd like to talk to you if you have the chance this evening." I said.
"Why can't we just talk now?" he counters.
"I think it would be best if we spoke in person, I'm at work right now." I said hoping he'd get the hint.
He mutters something inaudible and then says, "Fine. I'll make the time." And hops off the phone.

By this point I feel very, very alone.

I walk up to my boss and say, "I have to run to my car."
I leave.
I walk directly to his house.
He opens the door, looks surprised and lets me in.
He's still acting mad, and I'm almost to the point of shaking.

He finishes getting dressed, and then plops down beside me.
"What's up?" he asks again.
I spill everything.
A few moments later, he starts laughing.
Laughing like a God damned hyena.
I seriously have beads of sweat on my forehead from the panicky cold sweat i was in telling him this.
"WHAT is so FUNNY?" I almost shout.
He told me that he's never seen a girl so worked up over a three day late period.

I do not want a baby.

I told him it wasn't a laughing matter.
He asked if I remembered the last month.
He was gone, then back for a few days, then gone, then he got a roommate, then he was gone, whole month he was stressed, I was stressed because I lived in a state of moving, drama, and worried that S.O. hated me.
"So?" I said.
"Talk to me in two weeks if you still haven't gotten it. Then I'll worry. I have been in a constant state of E.D. because of the amount of stress I'm under (it's true, he gets hard but rarely gets off). I wanted to avoid you right now because I thought you were going to get mad at me because I haven't been around in 3 days, and you just wanted to spaz out on me." He laughed.

At this point I kind of felt stupid. And I think that feeling was written all over my face, because he pulled me next to him and wrapped his arms around me and said, "Oh, myname."

Then he asked if he could cook dinner for me that evening.

2006-08-08T11:40:00.000-04:00

The Nazi: Part Zwei

As if he could not get any worse.... he did.

I mentioned before that The Nazi had a class with me.
Well after the break up, for a week and a half, he wouldn't acknowledge me at all.
For this I was thankful. I'd rather have a person mad at me, then a scene made in physics.
I.D. and S.Y. took this class with me.
They knew what happened. And they found the Nazi skulking in the corner of the room, completely and utterly hilarious.
As long as they didn't directly teased at him, I didn't care.

I also mentioned before that my brother had met him. That comes later in the story.

So a peaceful week and a half went by.
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were the days I had the physics class.
Wednesday of the second week I was leaving with I.D. and S.Y. when he approached me and asked to talk to me.
S.Y. and I.D. didn't leave my side, which I'd like to think was to give me moral support, but in all honesty they were probably hoping for a show.
I asked what was going on, and he told me he had gotten something for me while he was gone for the weekend. "Oh really?" I said while glancing nervously at I.D.
He handed me a rather heavy bag and told me not to open it until he left.
With that, he turned around and left.

I had taken the bag from him with two fingers hooking through the loops of a stapled shut "White Barn Candle" bag.
After he turned and left, I had not moved one finger in any direction. I stood motionless, staring wide-eyed at S.Y. and I.D.
They in turn were staring wide-eyed at the bag I was holding out in front of me with two fingers.
"Take it outside," was all that I.D. said.

The three of us made it outside and carefully set down the bag.
"We are probably being ridiculous," I stated.
"Oh, so you trust this Nazi now?" said I.D.

What was in the bag, which S.Y. finally had to open, was a White Barn candle and candle lamp.
An extremely odd gift to give you ex-girlfriend.
I decided to take the rest of the day off with S.Y. and I.D.

Around 8 that night, I had had about 4 beers and 2 slices of pizza, and I was so sleepy that in the middle of S.Y.'s living room, I passed out completely.
Hey, I was a sophomore in college.

I awoke some time later, to uproarious laughter in the next room over.
"Probably watching some kind of twisted porn," I thought to myself, and crawled up to the couch to pass out again. Both boys came running out of the room and to the window, shutting off all the lights to the apartment. As they ran past me, both of them slapped me on the head and said quietly, "Wake the fuck up!"

Groggy and half-asleep, I was told that Ron had called them in hopes of finding me. I had turned off my cell phone and I wasn't answering my cell phone and he had gotten worried about me.
"So?" I said, thinking this was probably the least psychotic thing he had done.
I.D. and S.Y. turned, looked at each other and then said, "Well, we decided to fuck with him."

Apparently, they had informed Ron over the course of 15 minutes that not only was I passed out after being D.P.ed by the two of them, but I was only willing to perform such an act because they had given me drugs by putting them in my drink. After grabbing the first thing near me, which happened to be a spatula, and beating them both with it, I asked why they had shut off all the lights.
Apparently Ron had found S.Y.'s phone and address using the internet and was on his way over to rescue me.
Being that that was the best cue in the world, lights flashed momentarily in the apartment, and there was a crunch of gravel outside the door.
"Fuck, he has a flash light," I.D. said.
I closed my eyes and whispered, "I.D., cops have flash lights."
Having that as the second best cue, there was suddenly a VERY loud rap at the door.
I.D. looked to me, and then S.Y. and shrugged his shoulders.
A rap again.

Slapping both S.Y. and I.D. and pointing to the back of the apartment, I made my way to the door turning on lights as I went.
A cop was standing the doorway, he looked like he could have easily clobbered all three of us, and made it look accidental. Ron was standing a few feet away, almost in the bushes. It looked as if he had been hiding there.
"It's been reported to us that there has been suspicious activity around here, and there was a woman screaming." the cop said.
I started laughing and asked if it was the guy behind him that reported it.
He didn't know who had reported it.
I explained to him that Ron was the guy ex-boyfriend, who was jealous that I was at my new boyfriend's house. I offered to the cop to come inside if he needed too so he could search to make sure there was no suspicious activity.
I took a very big gamble on that one. I was twenty, so was S.Y. and I.D., and we had a lot of beer in that apartment.
He said no, looked at Ron, asked him why he was standing there, and then the two of them left in opposite directions.
S.Y. and I.D. will still not let me live down Ron the Nazi.

Rory: say something to make me hate you Lorelai: uh, go hitler

2006-08-07T14:11:00.000-04:00

So I was reading Lady Miss Marquise's blog when I came across a post of her's about Darren Sherman and the J-Date Ordeal. Which in turn, made me want to post about my worst date, or should I say, the worst guy I've dated.

The worst guy I've dated: The Nazi

I met this man while taking a physics class. I did well in this class, but at first glance I was nervous about taking it. He was easy going and willing to help out when I had questions. He asked me out on a date. I said yes.

It was a very expensive first date. Sitting across from him I could read in his manners and actions that he was not use to dating and he (even though he wouldn't admit it) probably thought I was out of his league (I know that sounds egotistical, wait for it).

So I agreed to a second date. I had dated some assholes in the past, and he seemed like nothing near it. He was polite, nicely mannered, asked me questions, etc. The second date went well also. Since we were in class together, I started seeing him in hallways and whatnot, and familiarity came quickly.

Around the 5th date, he decided it was time I should meet his friends. So he proposed that we stop by their house first and then head to dinner. I agreed, and I thought to myself, "Wow, this guy is just not afraid of commitment."

I arrived at his friends house and the three of them were somewhat eagerly waiting. After shaking each of their hands, it was obvious that the men had talked amongst themselves and apparently I was talked up quite a bit. I said a few sarcastic comments, and tried to be natural. They instantly came relaxed around me, and then one of them said, "Wow, Ron, this one is a lot smarter than the last one."
That comment spawned an uproar of laughter resulting in "Tales of Molly."
Molly was Ron's ex-girlfriend, she was so smitten with him that she use to do things for everyone (all friends included) like take out their trash, clean their rooms...
I was appauled, they thought everything was hilarious.
Being that girl before, and then rising above it later, I had some sort of protective mothering rage that came from somewhere deep inside me. They laughed, I smiled, I plotted revenge for Molly. Why?... I don't know, I couldn't explain it.

I dated The Nazi for two months. He was not that great of a companion. After that night, not only was I completely turned off by him, but I also started noticing a lot of things I hated about him. For instance, he said the word "scar" more than any other human I've met.

Everything "Scarred" him. Homeless "scarred" him, wasted college students "scarred" him, even my brother "scarred" him (he said that we looked so similar it was "scarring" for him). Also, he walked around all day telling everyone that he was "An Elitest." What this meant, I have no idea, because every time I asked, he didn't have an answer.

I didn't care about those things and I didn't care about him. What I did care about was yanking his puppet strings every chance I got. I was "THEE" girlfriend that no guy ever wants.
"Honey, I know you wanted to go out tonight with your guy friends, but my stomach hurts, will you stay home with me?" and so on and so on. I didn't like being that girl, but I hated him. It was a weird 7 weeks for me. In the end, he got me back.

At the beginning of the 8th week I decided enough was enough. I had manipulated him enough, and he was getting boring. I wanted to move on. So Monday night, I decided to go over to his apartment and tell him as nicely as possible that it was time to move on.
I knocked.
He opened the door.
I did come unannounced, but nothing could have prepared me for what I was staring at.
He was dressed in a full Nazi uniform, complete with arm bands and hat.
He even had shoes that were shiny black and had little 3rd Reich eagles on them.

Mouth open, I stammered, "What on earth?!"
Looking slightly embarrassed, he looked down at himself and said, "Oh, this? I really like the way it makes me feel."

Now, I had noticed he had a facination with with World War II airplanes. There were two or three of them in little glass boxes around his apartment (another thing I hated about him), but Nazism was far from my mind.

"Feel?" was all I could muster. He explained it to me, (almost as if he were talking to a small child) that Nazi ideals weren't something to hate. The Nazi party wasn't the bad thing about World War II, Hitler was the bad thing. That I shouldn't blame those poor Germans, only Hitler.

By this point, I was so seriously-creeped-the-fuck-out, that I just nodded, and said I had to get home.

The next day he showed up at my apartment, unannounced.

As he walked into my apartment, I decided right then and there, that he had to go.
So I told him that he had to get out of my life before he said, "How was your day?"
He looked absolutely shocked.
Then, he broke down into big sobbing tears and screamed, "NO! YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME, I LOVE YOU!"
While normally my heart would have broke at these words, this time around, I was more or less completely terrified. I thought the man didn't have a soul, let alone, one that could love another. He use to introduce me as his "trophy girlfriend."
My neighbors started knocking about 3 minutes after the sobbing started.

To appease my neighbors and to make him stop, I told him that we wouldn't break up that day. That seemed to calm him enough that he felt like going home.
Probably to play with toy airplanes in his Nazi uniform.

The next day, I walked home from class, by way of his apartment, and broke it off with him. As the tears welled again, I left.
It may have been heartless, but I was too "scarred" to do otherwise.

It took him another 2 months before he was over me... but that, is a story for tomorrow.

2006-08-06T16:55:00.000-04:00

I know of this girl.
I've met her once, but I never became friends with her
She dated my EX before I did.
She hates me slightly because I dated him after her.
I don't really hate her, she has to be one of the most interesting people I've seen.
She and EX broke up because she did crazy things like, throw lamps at his head. (see, isn't that interesting?)
Then she would write about it in her blog.

I found her blog by accident one day.
We ironically have a lot of mutual friends that have no idea we dislike each other.
I read her blog.
I was mentioned several times, and not all of the things said were bad.
It seems she found me interesting too.
Have you seen the show, "Why can't I be you?"
Well, I feel she looks at me and says that, and I look at her and say that.

Here is a part of her blog:

One said to the other, "It’s like that girl in green that just looked at you down the bar...with the cherry in her drink...she’s like a drug." I had no idea what they were talking about but I perfectly executed seeming-too-interested-in-baseball to notice they were talking about me. I debated turning and smiling, but the truth was I glanced past them to see who came in, not at them. So that was a goal accomplished--I’ve always wanted to have the guts to be the mysterious single girl at the bar, perfectly content drinking alone.

What amazes me, is she did drink alone that night. I was actually in the same bar as her and I had no idea. She was just perfectly happy to sit alone and drink. I wish I could do that. I feel overly dependent on human contact right now. She actually drove to a concert first, and sat alone, watching people (one thing she and I both are, people watchers, for that matter EX was too) and then she drove to the bar and had a few cocktails alone and then drove an hour home.

Why can't I do that?

2006-08-05T18:32:00.000-04:00

I visited the EX's blog today.
Something I havent' done in months and months.
Two years ago, if I had done this, I would have had a bad day afterwards.
Two years ago, if I had fought with my boyfriend and then looked at pictures of my ex's new girlfriend, I would have been depressed for two days.

Flash Forward.
Two years later I was actually "aw"ing the pictures of the two of them.
I think I grew up significantly along the way.
My mother always warned me that would happen.

2006-08-05T14:04:00.000-04:00

I've been seeing S.O. since December.
In all that time, I haven't ever seen him mad.
Until last night.

And the anger, it was directed at me.

Looking back on it now, what i did was wrong.

I was drunk too.

Which made it worse.

I'm so miserable.

Apologies don't seem to make it better

I feel like I ruined his night.

Which is probably true.
But I honestly didn't mean too.

2006-08-04T13:29:00.000-04:00

Amidst the drama of moving, of S.Y., of S.O., of working, and of going on vacation, I said to myself, "Hey, this would be a great time to quit smoking."

So I did.

Now, I know for some quitting smoking is a really hard thing to do. For me it wasn't hard. The times I smoked were either when I was really stressed out, or when I was drinking. If I didn't drink anything for a week, or I wasn't stressed out, then I wouldn't have a cigarette for a week.
I'm kind of strange, I think.

So quitting during this time didn't seem like that big of deal.

It wasn't, until I started coughing.
For the last three days I've coughed so much that I'm gaining a sore throat and a worried boyfriend. I woke up this morning and my entire chest hurt.
S.O. just looked worried. He's a smoker, and has been for years and years. The couple times he's quit, he hasn't gone through what I'm going through.

I'm not sure what's going on either.
I kind of wish 8 months ago I hadn't picked up the habit of drinking and smoking.

It was a really dumb move on my part.

2006-08-03T15:49:00.000-04:00

L'Amour est un oiseau rebelle
Que nul ne peut apprivoiser
Et c'est bien en vain qu'on l'appelle,
S'il lui convient de refuser.

Grocery shopping with him...
I find him attractive…
When he carefully pours over what to buy,
Feel I’m getting too caught up…
In a make believe life.
Quickly move away.

Rien n'y fait, menace ou prière,
L'un parle bien, l'autre se tait;
Et c'est l'autre que je préfère
Il n'a rien dit; mais il me tient.

Down the aisles I go…
Checking off my list one at a time
Try not to think about anything
Other than what’s at hand.
Feel a hand on the small of my back,
And a voice whispers softly
“Hiding from me, are we?”

L'Amour est un oiseau rebelle
L'Amour
Que nul ne peut apprivoiser
L'Amour
Et c'est bien en vain qu'on l'appelle
L'Amour
S'il lui convient de refuser
L'Amour

You don’t know, or maybe you do
How much I’m hiding every day from you
I brace myself against it, and pretend it’s not there
But when it comes down to it, I know deep down
It’s already won me.

L'Amour est enfant de Bohême,
Il n'a jamais, jamais connu de loi,
Si tu ne m'aime pas, je t'aime,
Si je t'aime, prend garde à toi!

Keep guard of yourself and don’t let me know
How perfect you can be.

Translation

2006-08-02T15:52:00.000-04:00

Text message to S.O.: "I cannot believe we had sex with your roommate in the next room over."
Before actually closing my phone, S.O. calls.

Me: Hello? (voice filled with question because normally he never calls back in the day)

S.O.: Man, you are a trooper.

Me: Excuse me?

S.O.: I started taking off your clothes so you wouldn't die of heat stroke, and you just started ripping off all your clothes and kissing me.

Me: Are you objecting to this behavior?

S.O.: Not at all, I just really didn't think I was going to wake you let alone have sex with you.

Me: We hadn't done it in a week and it wasn't 100 degrees in your room.

S.O.: Yes, but you were drugged up on Night Quil, you had had two drinks of rum and coke (I'm a lightweight), you had only had 4 hours of sleep the night before, it was 3:30 in the morning when everyone decided to leave, and my temporary roommate was in the room next to us with all his windows open (hard to explain the windows unless you see it).

Me: Yeah, I probably wouldn't have done it had I remembered that last one.

S.O.: But you would have done it with all the rest of those things in place.

Me: Do you not remember it or something?

S.O.: Oh I remember, I'm just shocked I have such a crazy girlfriend.

Me: You'd do the same thing if the tables were turned.

S.O.: Yes but I'm a guy... (pause) Wait, is this why I.D. calls you "The world's hottest drag queen?"

Never had sex with either S.Y. or I.D., S.O. knows that, but that was still a hilarious comment on his part.

2006-08-01T17:02:00.000-04:00

“Talking between men and women never solves anything. Where we think, they feel. They are creatures of the heart.” –Anthony Quinn, A Walk in the Clouds

I so agree with this statement, and at the same time, I've found that using my head might more sense in the long run.

Last Night Part One:

2006-08-01T16:59:00.000-04:00

S.Y. tried very hard to be sweet to me. He offered to buy dinner, spend time with me, and watch a movie with me… all those qualities you look for in someone else. I sat wary through every attempt. In my years, I’ve learnt only to trust when it’s needed, and to be wary the rest of the time. This time, I decided wary was the safest bet.
Through most of the night, I just thought about what I wanted.

At the end of the movie we watched, I asked S.Y. to come outside with me.
We sat on the front porch, drinking a beer and melting in the heat.

Over the last seven years I knew him, I watched him in relationships, out of relationships, I watched him pine after me, and ignore me. I’ve felt how nice it was when he was sweet to me, and how horrible it was for him to be an asshole to me. I thought, “All those things make a relationship.”
Something was always missing from us. Something didn’t make the whole nine yards, just 8.5 yards. Close, but not close enough.
I had been thinking all this time, “What do I do wrong?”
While I sat on that porch, I thought, “Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s him.”
And like a light bulb, I had a possible answer.

I turned to him, looked him straight in the eye and said, “You like the chase.”
Taken aback and confused, S.Y. said, “What are you talking about?”
“You are a female fisherman. You throw out your line, catch something, reel it in, and right before it dies from lack of oxygen, you throw it back.” I said.
“I don’t like to think of myself as a killer, so I always throw them back.” He joked.
“How true to form” I say.
At this he became serious, and stopped smiling. He sits and thinks, after a moment he takes a long drag off of his cigarette, a gulp of beer, and says, “You might be right, I meant what I said the other night, I hope you realize that, but yes, I do like the chase and more often than not, I find myself instantly bored once I have what I’m chasing after.”

I felt like I had just solved the mystery behind Stonehenge.

Last Night Part Two:

2006-08-01T16:57:00.000-04:00

S.O. didn’t answer his phone when I called him. I remembered when we first started dating this made me really upset. I thought he didn’t care. Silly woman.
I knew he had a paper to write and after seven months with him, I knew he probably couldn’t find his phone even if it was off of “silent.”
He had answered on the first ring earlier that day, and told me it was ok to stop by whenever.
It was still whenever, even if it was 11:30.
I knocked on the door, and I could hear S.O.’s new roommate blab on and on about some time long ago when nothing that matters now, mattered.
I grinned to myself. S.O. must be so frustrated right now.
I knocked again, harder this time.
S.O. practically ran to the door. I grinned some more.
I came inside his apartment and what greeted me wiped the grin off my face.
His new roommate was a pig.
Not only that, there were MOUNDS of papers everywhere from his research for the paper he was writing.
On top of all that, it looked as if S.O. hadn’t had a clean piece of laundry in a month and all of it was dumped on the floor.
I hadn’t been in his apartment for a week.
At my arrival, the roommate left and went to his room.
S.O. actually hugged me and silently mouthed the words “Thank you.”
I laughed and told him that I’d only stay a minute and he wanted too he could go back to work while I was there.
He told me all concentration was gone, and that I might as well stay for the night.
So I settled down with him on his bed to talk about the week that was now gone.
Half way through it, S.O. mentioned he could go for breakfast.
Pancakes at Midnight
So at 12 we left his apartment to go out for breakfast.
After getting there, I spilled everything that had happened with S.Y.
I knew he wouldn’t get angry or mad.
I was right.
Looking amused he said, “I have a feeling something like this has happened before.”
“It has, with both S.Y. and I.D., how did you know?” I said.
“You seem to be very worn-out re-telling this whole story to me.” He said looking completely entertained.
“I hate re-runs,” I smiled and said.
“You aren’t surprised either.” He noticed.
“After knowing someone for 7 and 5 years you tend to pick up on things that they don’t even realize they are doing. (pause) Is this information overload for you?” I asked.

“If you are really asking, ‘Does this bother me?’ then no, I’m not worried about it.
If you are honestly asking the original question then you have to understand that you talk incessantly and at long intervals, if I were to have information overload it would be on those occasions, not now when you’ve told a story that only has a span of one night, and not for weeks.” He says so wryly and with a slight twinge to the corner of his mouth, just like a little boy wondering if he’ll get away with what he’s saying.

My S.O. reminds me of Cary Grant. I love Cary Grant.

2006-07-31T18:56:00.000-04:00

So, I'm more happy and confused.

Boyfriend # 1:
S.O. is not leaving me.
S.O. is so frustrated professionally that he could scream like a girl, but he is not leaving me.
He actually seems happier with me all of a sudden too.
I think for this past week he's been distant because of his ideas for moving.
Now, he answers the phone on the first ring when I call, and he's made plans with me to go out tomorrow regardless of any work he has given to him (so he says).

Boyfriend # 2:
S.Y. has called me today
S.Y. never calls me, I always call him.
I went to my parent's home briefly before heading back to M.W.'s house.
I wanted to see how many letters I still had of his.
He use to write me letters all the time.
From Greece when he went, from his parents house when he visited, from everywhere.
When I pulled out the box, on top there was a picture he drew for me.
As I looked at it, my phone rang, with the first call from him in a long time.
I told him what I was doing.
He said he still had all 39 of my letters.
And he wants to talk tonight.

2006-07-30T17:58:00.000-04:00

My weekend/end of week has been eventful.
Right now I'm in St. Louis.
Trying to have a good time.
It's hard after the Thursday night I had.
To sum up my Thursday night, I'm posting the exact e-mail I sent M.W. when she asked me via e-mail what I did that night.

M.W.,
Last night I left I.D. and S.Y.'s house to walk to S.O.'s house.
It was 1 in the morning
S.Y. asked why I was leaving and I told him I didn't feel comfortable sleeping here with him. {before our history together, we would sleep in the same bed if there was no room elsewhere}FabulouslyNew {new friend} had the couch and I was offered S.Y.'s bed.
I called S.O., and he said "come on over." So I asked S.Y. for an umbrella because it was raining. S.Y. hesitated at first like he wanted to say something, but then gave me the umbrella.
I.D. and F.N. were already passed out.
S.Y. and I were completely sober.

About 2 blocks away, I get a call from S.Y. who asked me to stop wherever I was and tell him what street I was on. I asked why, and he said because he was running after me but had a hurt leg and it was hard to run. I stopped and told him the street, and in the pouring rain, S.Y. ran up to me.
I asked what he was doing, and he said he didn't know, but that I shouldn't walk home alone.
He started walking with me, arm around me, I felt uncomfortable but I went with it.
S.Y. told me that he loved me.
First time ever, sober.
He tried to start talking about "us" and "we" and how serious I was with S.O.
I told him that I couldn't continue the conversation because I was with S.O., and it was unfair to him to even have this conversation to begin with.
S.Y. said fair enough.
He went home.
I continued onto S.O.'s house.
After I got there, S.O. and I were cuddling when he told me that he might not be here when I came back Monday. {from St. Louis}
I asked where he was going, and he said, "Chicago"
For how long I asked
He said, "Probably until I move to Stanford."
At this I realized this was a serious move.
He told me that he is upset with his job and his boss and he feels he's not going anywhere professionally in it. He thinks that it's best for him to move on and cut his losses than to stick around being miserable.
I didn't say much, other than, to at least wait until I came back on Monday so I could say goodbye to him. He agreed, rolled over, grabbed my arm, held it against his chest, and then went to sleep after 30 minutes.
I cried sliently to myself after he went to sleep. I got only two hours of sleep that night.

That was my night.
How was yours?
Q.S.W.

2006-07-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

I'm sooo frustrated right now.

S.O. is busy and I haven't seen him since Sunday.
I'm trying to be REALLY understanding about this.
So far so good.
Only one text message and a phone call.

It is so hard though.
Especially when ladies in my office ask me how he's doing
and I say, "Good, I haven't really seen him since Sunday, cause he's busy"
Then they all get this look on their faces like, "Ut oh"
ARGH.

I finally caved today.
I sent him a text message that basically asked him to make time for me around 8 in the evening.
It wasn't that demanding, but pointed.
I'm leaving for St. Louis tomorrow and I won't be back until Tuesday.
I just don't want to go 8 days without seeing him when we live in the same town.
Sigh.
I probably shouldn't have.

2006-07-26T16:50:00.000-04:00

Last night I.D. invited me over to sit back and relax on his porch.
I came over and he and I sat outside for awhile.
S.Y. came out later (I.D. and S.Y. are now going to live together)

We drank and relaxed and had a good time.
From 5:30 till 10:30 we sat and drank.
Not quickly.
Very slowly.

At 10, I realized I should go home soon.
I walked inside to call my brother.
While I was on the phone I walked into an empty room in I.D.'s apartment.
Suddenly a voice from behind me said, "Do you like my new room?"
Whirling around I saw that S.Y. had followed me inside, and inside the room.
"It's nice" I say.
He's standing close.
I'm at a loss on what to say.
Suddenly I thought, "You know, I wouldn't appreciate S.O. in this situation."
At that, I turned without a word, walked around him and out the door.
I decided not to wait for my brother to get off work to pick me up.
I started walking.
I wasn't rude.
I said my goodbyes.
S.Y. couldn't understand why I was leaving.
He kept asking why.
I.D. decided in my goodbyes that I should be walked home.
On our walk, I.D. asked why the sudden goodbye.
I realized he was worried about more than just standing alone together.
I laughed and said nothing happened.
Then told him the thought I had standing there.
He said, "Good Girl."

2006-07-25T14:36:00.000-04:00

Indiana spurned this blog post, after reading his comments below I wanted to write this.

The Ex and I dated for 2 years.
For the first year I was the happiest mentally and physically I've ever been.
The second year my Ex worried, for the most part, about graduating and getting a job that would let him stay in America (he was Indian).
Sex dwindled.
I understood, my Ex was going through incredible amounts of stress throughout his life and worrying about keeping me happy sexually shouldn't have been one of them.
At the one year, six month mark, sex stopped completely.

I lived with him.
I made dinner, cleaned our apartment, did our laundry, and nightly he would pour over countless amounts of code and interview research and applications.
I complained or said anything only when I felt really left out of his life.
For the most part I suffered in silence.
I would sleep next to the man every evening.
That feeling of a man next to me. Hard body. Usually curled up against me.
At first I could handle it.
I forgot about it until I was getting undressed for the shower, or in the shower, or watching him get undressed.
Since those moments only happened briefly, I dealt with it.
After a while, more and more things happened when I tried to forget.
I would walk down the street and without realizing it, I would fantasize about every guy who walked past me. I would imagine them naked, or kissing me, or what I would do to them.
I wanted to hear the groaning of pleasure, the feel of a kiss, the taste of someone.
I had none of that.
I did not cheat on him.
I did not get close to cheating on him, unless you count my thoughts,
then I cheated on him like a shameless whore.

At the end of a 5 month stretch, we finally had sex again.
By then it was too late.
We weren't smart about each other and we weren't smart about what we were doing.
I had become a sort of mother to him, and he had become my patient.
Our roles weren't healthy anymore.
We started fighting then.
Our fighting lasted for a month before we both admitted what we came to subliminally realize a month earlier.

Lack of sex killed our relationship.

This past weekend.

2006-07-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

This past weekend (and week)was eventful to say the least.
With S.Y. coming back into town I feel like I didn't breathe alone more than two minutes since last Tuesday. On top of that Friday and Saturday night I got felt up at the bars we were at. I didn't dress up or wear something revealing, but apparently my ass was just asking to be grabbed. So between that and S.Y. behaving like a two year old, I feel happy I'm dating someone who is more mature than that.

Harry: No man can be friends with a woman he finds
attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them too.

Some boyfriends in the past have asked me to stop hanging out with S.Y. and I.D.
Sometimes I have.
Especially S.Y., he has a hard time remembering his boundaries when he's drunk.

S.O. is a lot different in this regard. He's already made mention how he's happy I allow him to do what he wants and I'm not overly jealous.
I realized this weekend that S.O. does the same for me.
I am pretty damn honest when it comes to S.Y. and telling S.O. about him.

When S.Y. came up to me and asked, "Where's S.O.?" (S.O. was sitting beside me)
I introduced the two of them to each other.
S.O. is polite and straightforward and for most, instantly charming.
I was worried it wouldn't be the same for S.Y.
I was right.
S.O. persevered though. Talked to him for 5 or 6 minutes like a saint.
S.Y. looked like he was sulking.
I.D. looked at me like, "I told you so."
After those horrible minutes, S.O. went back to talking to a girl from his office.
I went back to talking to S.Y. and I.D.
After about 15 minutes, S.Y. says, "Wow, your boyfriend is so talkative, he hasn't said a word to us."
S.Y. was sulking.
(S.O. is fairly good-looking and has a great personality.)
I was about to roll my eyes at him when S.O. comes back to my side of the table and directly talks to S.Y.
He made it so S.Y. had to have a conversation with him.
Soon after S.O. quietly says something like, "Are you getting tired?"
I wasn't, but I told him I was ready to go when he was.

S.Y. could sit there and sulk for all I cared.
I.D. said, "goodbye dear" and kissed me on the forehead.
S.Y. said nothing.

Over the last 5 years.*

2006-07-24T09:07:00.000-04:00

*sub-title 18 vs. 23

While 23 is young and 18 is very young, I still feel I've grown up somewhat (in relationships anyway) over the past 5 years. Here is some examples of how I've changed in romantic feelings.

At 18: I thought it was romantic for my boyfriend to sleep in while I got ready in the morning for class or work. I'd kiss him on the forehead whenever I left the apartment.

At 23: I find it incredibly romantic for my boyfriend to wake up, look at the clock, figure out that it's 7:15 am, look beside him and realize I'm asleep there, then remember that I had to be at work at 8 am, then wake me up, roll over and go right back to sleep.

At 18: I thought it was romantic when my boyfriend took me out to eat and make it his treat.

At 23: I find it romantic when my boyfriend cooks me dinner. Even more romantic: my boyfriend cooking for me because he knows I don't have a home and that I don't want to tread too much on my friend's kindness.

At 18: I thought it was romantic when my boyfriend spent one whole evening with me every weekend.

At 23: I find it romantic when my boyfriend wants to spend time with me and his friends at the same time. Even more romantic: When he wants to cuddle, and play with my hand when they can view it.

At 18: I thought it romantic when my boyfriend would get tipsy and then tell me things like "I think your the best girlfriend I've ever had."

At 23: I don't find my boyfriend getting so drunk that he's falling down, romantic. What I do find romantic is after he gets to that stage admitting things to me like, "The only reason I don't want you to help me out is because it's hurting my pride. I have a lot of male pride, I don't want it hurt." Then after saying that hoping into the shower and humping the door stating "You know you want it."

Saturday at 5 am I found myself standing in my S.O.'s bathroom, watching him hump a shower door, I was wide awake, so I was just patiently waiting on him to figure out that he didn't want to be in the shower. After humping grew old, he tried for 15 minutes to get me in the shower with him. I refused and finally he decided the towel I was holding was much better than the water he was in. I dried him off, dressed him, and all the while I got a mixture of "go to bed," "bitch," "thanks QSW," "Don't make me Danza slap you," "I really appreciate it" and so on.

At some point I would have stopped helping him if I really thought he didn't want it. Even calling me names I would just smile and say, "Oh I know, I'm a horrid bitch." Then he would argue that I wasn't.

So interesting how the idea of intimacy and romantic behavior changes as you grow up.

Update on the characters:

2006-07-21T13:40:00.000-04:00

Significant Other: Is now a S.O. of seven months. Currently stressed to the max to get his dissertation done and I have not been able to see him much because of it. I have fallen for him completely but am too chicken shit to admit to him. He probably knows anyway.

Married Woman & Married Man: I’m currently living with both of them. I am homeless for 4 weeks and they have graciously let me stay in their spare bedroom. I also have no car, so they have loaned me one of theirs. I also have no place for all my stuff, so it’s in their garage. Basically, without them I’d be lost completely. I have no idea how I would ever repay them for all they have done for me.

Irish Drinker: Only recently have I realized that Irish Drinker and I have become very close. I’ve always trusted him and called him a good friend, but it took Seven Years to move away before I confided in him completely. I wish I had known him this well a long time ago.

The Ex: Actually it’s my turn to call. I forgot. I need to call him. My office knows him well and the other day one of my co-works brought me a picture of him. Gee. Thanks. He still is working at Amazon all top secret.

Not Gay: Not Gay is still having a lot of problems getting a girl. Part of the problem, he doesn’t trust them. Part of the problem is he refuses to go out and meet them. Part of the problem most of the time I go out with him and one girl wards off other girls no matter how far away I stand from him. Part of the problem, he flirts with me more than he should.

Seven Years: I don’t have much to say about him. A friend once told me, “You two are like When Harry met Sally, except you just don’t realize it yet, so you treat each other like shit.” Maybe there is some truth to that statement.

Big Pervert: Thankfully I’ve not had to deal with him very much. S.O. tells me stories about how he goes on and on about a co-worker’s underwear and yadda yadda…. I’m thankful I only have to listen to the re-told summed up version of the story.
*Update: This weekend I hung out with him and with my S.O.for a good amount of time. The guy is still a pervert, but is turning out to be a very nice one.

Argentinean Man: I think S.O. is trying to keep me away from him after the last outing with him. The last outing involved me getting my face grabbed by him and being forcefully made out with.

Tall Boy: Tall boy has a girlfriend and no one has seen him since.

M Squared: I see him on campus all the time and he always says hi. He seems like a nice guy, but I just don’t know him that well.

Russian Lover: HE SHAVED HIS HEAD. I was so upset when I saw it. So upset that S.O. finally said something like, “Why do you care so much?”
I started behaving after he said that.

2006-07-20T16:02:00.000-04:00

S.Y. rolled into town a few nights ago.
First night back wasn’t bad, he, I.D. and I all got hammered together like old times.
Second night was a different story.
I’ll come back to it though.

S.O. has been swamped at work.
He’s promised to make me dinner today after work.
I’m very excited.
Whether or not this will happen because of his work schedule is beyond me.
But because of his work schedule, I’ve only talked to him once very briefly yesterday where I found out what he’s been up to the last few days, but he was so busy he didn’t ask the return question. I honestly wouldn’t care except that was going to be my cue to say, “Hey my buddy S.Y. is back in town!”

Sigh.

I got a little tipsy with my S.O. the other evening and became really honest with him.
He started asking questions about S.Y. and I started answering them, and then elaborating.
I feel I have nothing to hide. We got drunk/tipsy a few times, moved forward into a stage where we considered dating each other, then moved away back into friendship. We basically crossed the friendship line and then ran back after we crossed it. I told S.O. this. I.D. thinks I’m a dumb ass for doing so. Maybe I am, but at least I’m honest, I hate lying.

So S.O. has been busy. So last night I.D. called me to tell me that S.Y. and N.G. were over at his house and everyone was drinking beer on his porch. I.D. has one of those huge porches that look like something out of Gone with the Wind and it curves back along the side of his house. I love to relax there. So I headed over.

Everything was fine. I.D. and I have become significantly closer in the last 6 months and S.Y. could sense it. Top that with the fact that I.D. really likes S.O. Top that with 6 months of stories that S.Y. was not a part of.
I think S.Y. was feeling unloved.

So, S.Y. turned the attention to “me and him”. The “me and him” that we decided against. The “me and him” that everyone (including me) was politely ignoring and pretending never happened.
The conversation was on woman’s breasts. I.D., N.G. and S.Y. had different tastes in them and they were getting my opinions on differences in their tastes (this is a fairly common conversation topic). S.Y. starts off the “me and him” conversation by saying, “Well, Q.S.W. over here went from flat-chest to nice breasts over night.” I rolled my eyes at him and said, “A sign when you’ve known someone too long, they’ve watched you go through puberty.” Everyone laughed, conversation went back to topic.
His next attempt was a little worse. S.Y. has “slept” with many of my roommates. It’s a running joke now. “Slept” entails fooling around but pants are kept on, because A.) this only happens when everyone is really trashed and B.) S.Y. has whiskey dick.
S.Y. says, “Q.S.W. has better breasts than all of her roommates combined.”
A momentary-awkward-as-hell-pause later, I.D. saves me and says, “Yes, but that doesn’t make up for the huge dick she has.”
Everyone laughs, and we struggle quickly to get back to conversation.
S.Y. decides to get out his boxing gloves after this point.
He then says (directly to me, ignoring I.D. and N.G.’s conversation) “But, you are more psychotic than your last roommate, you got upset at me when we ended.”
N.G. and I.D. stopped talking.
I looked at S.Y. very seriously and said, “I really don’t count that time period as a “we.”

I did get upset. One night for 15 minutes, I got upset. S.Y. handled the end of “us” like a 12 year old. He actually got upset that I wanted to talk about the situation during the middle of his, “Lion King and pizza” evening. When he got bent out of shape about that, I got bent out of shape and upset.

S.Y. says, “Why are you getting upset again? I’m complimenting you!” I laugh and say, “S.Y. comparing breast on a woman in front of that woman is not usually considered a compliment.”
Then I said my goodbyes.
S.Y. asked me to stay, said he was sorry, I said no.
I.D. hugged me and said, “Goodbye dear.”
Probably didn’t make the situation better.

2006-07-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

Last night my friend of seven years came waltzing back into town.
I.D. and S.Y. immediately went out to the bars, followed by a "Whoops, quick call to Q.S.W."
Followed by Q.S.W. heading out to the bars.

We were doing shots at 1:30 a.m.
Finally by 2:20, I decided it was time for me to leave.

It was good to have him back though.