Last night was the first time my S.O. and I ever got into a "discussion."6 months (almost 7 geez.. this summer is flying) we've never strayed from our easy going manner and our joking around. Until yesterday. I came over (I called and asked if he wanted to hang out, he said yes) and when I got there he was cleaning. After he was done cleaning, everything I said or did suddenly became a huge annoyance to him (something that's never happened before). Then he started snapping at me (something that has only happened once before this night, and never repeatedly). Then at 11, he suddenly decided he was tired, crawled into bed and faced the wall away from me.
I know I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. So, being a woman, my mind starts to race through every thing that could have possibly made him behave like this.
Number one thing: he's met someone else (because when you've been cheated on once, that is somehow the logical choice for every other relationship, sometimes I hate being a woman)
So I very nicely asked for him to talk to me.
He rolled over, I asked him 20 questions about why he was behaving this way. His answers where usually "behaving what way?!" or "What are you talking about?!"
Finally, I gave up the questions.
He immediately rolled over and "went back to sleep."
Frustrated, upset, and wanting to cut my losses, I said, "S.O. I'm going home."
At this he rolled over, sat up, and asked "why?"
My frustration point reached an all new level.
Instead of blowing up, I just simply said, "because you are behaving like a jackass whether you want to admit it to yourself or not."
At this comment he suddenly let loose all the things that were bothering him.
He said he had had a long day at work, because he had an 18 year old follow him around all day asking him 20 questions, and when he got home all he wanted to do was clean his apartment for a bit and then go out, but once he got done with just his bathroom, he didn't want to go out, he just wanted to be alone, and then I showed up and he couldn't ask me to leave because I was already there... Yadda yadda...
All of which he couldn't say at 9 when I arrived.
After all this was out, he started behaving normally. Even cuddly and cute.
WTF?
ok this is funny
posted by sipwine at 9:07 AM
7 Comments:
Easy answer.
Let him set the timetable. If he wants to see you, he'll call. Or if you have to call, don't take the lead with "activities".
When a woman suggests "doing something" many guys find it difficult to say "No". They'll say "Yes" even though they'd rather be in their own company.
That's at this stage of your relationship anyway. It will change as time passes.
Simple, really. We don't think like you.
Wombat
I agree with wombat, but I can concur that if you have been cheated on you do wonder at changes in behaviour...
the wondering is maybe healthy, obsessing is not.
Wombat: Last night was a wake up call for me. I decided if I didn't hear from S.O. until Monday, I wouldn't worry.
Indy: I wondered last night. I've never wondered before with him, and I don't find myself wondering now. Overall I feel he's a very honest guy, and that if he did sleep with someone, I really believe he'd call me the next day and break it off with me. That feeling makes me not wonder.
One of the most difficult hurdles for women in a relationship is learning that we operate in a different space-time continuum.
You think: If he likes me, he must want to talk to me at least once a day.
We think: Oh, I haven't spoken to QSW in a while, I'll call her later.
This thought might occur only every day, or two, or three or even longer, depending on the guy. I'm a three-day guy.
In other words, because we can't think of more than one thing at once, when the thought conveyer-belt brings YOU to mind, we will do something about it. If you pre-empt the process, stuff gets confusing for us.
My fortune will come from telling women all over the world that this is the way to keep a guy.
Don't panic. Don't push. Don't apply arbitrary time frames.
Email me if I can help more.
Wombat
This is interesting.
I talked to M.M. today about this situation.
What he said was a combination of everyone's comment.
He said he could put guy's personalities in 12 different categories, but unless I date someone from the same category every time, I am always going to have to learn new things about men. He said my S.O. had a bad day and it was probably handled poorly by me because I haven't learned his moods. He said the only way to figure out what the moods are and what triggers them is to figure out quickly that something is bothering him (this is a universal method), and then just walk the fuck away from him until he calls you. Once he calls you, you can then ask what it was all about.
Wombat: I really appreciate your perspective, I like to learn from my mistakes, not repeat them.
MBIC: I think he was being overly moody, but I think I added to it a little.
I can completely see your side, ESPECIALLY after being cheated on. This was probably a GOOD stepping stone in your relationship b/c he NOW knows that he CAN open up about what's bugging him & it's cool. He ALSO knows that if he wants to be alone, he can just SAY that. Sometimes I wonder why my S.T. answers my calls when he's busy & can't really talk (especially annoying when you're long distance)... So one day I asked him & he said "Because I don't want to miss your call." I explained, "Well, if you can't talk, it's frustrating, just let it go to voice mail. It's cool if you can't talk; but it's annoying when you ANSWER and can't talk or are distracted." Now, he only answers when he can talk.. win-win!I think men try to "please" us sometimes & they end up pissing us off b/c they're not REALLY saying what they want. Once they realize that it's OKAY to be honest & it won't necessarily hurt our feelings, they usually chill out. At least in my experience. :)~
~Fab : )
Fab: I hope you are right. If anything it was important to me because now I know better ways of asking him to do something with me. I always thought he'd say no if he really wanted to do something else, but now, I know better.
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