To my fellow bloggers:
I have not been completely honest with you.
I have not been completely honest with even my friends.
Please give me a chance to explain.
3 weeks ago (almost 4 now) I went to a party with my brother and all our mutual friends. I remained very close to my brother even after we moved out of our parent’s house. They sometimes call us the “so and so twins,” (“so and so” being our last name). There I met a man, whom I talked to from 10 in the evening to almost 4:30 in the morning. The party raged on, and we sat alone, outside, talking. Most of our friends thought we left around 10:30 and only one or two realized we sat outside.
While alcohol intake was what broke the ice initially, by 4:30 both of us were very sober.
I left and went home around 4:30 and I thought about him throughout the next day.
I did nothing.
I saw S.O. the next day.
Hung out with him all day, and I remember him saying things like, “Wow, you are really clingy today,” and “did you take crazy pills?”
I remember feeling like a kitten on valium.
I did nothing.
I spent the remainder of that week as far away as possible from my brother, our mutual friends, and him.
With the next weekend approaching, a lot of my friends were leaving the University for good. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all nights I went out with those who were leaving. He and my brother went to all those nights also. It is pointless to say that because of those nights, he and I grew closer.
In the game of chess, Check.
I did nothing.
In the middle of the following week, I went out for a pitcher with I.D.
Just I.D. and I.
I told him what was going on with S.O. because he asked.
He could see through me and told me I wasn’t happy with him.
I chose not to believe him.
I went over to S.O.’s house that night.
I did nothing.
The next weekend was quickly approaching.
I decided I would spend it with S.O. repairing what I had somehow lost over the last few weeks.
He decided he wanted to hang out with his buddies all weekend.
I saw him only at night.
I did nothing.
The Tuesday of baseball and porno, provided me with the first really good time with S.O. in ages.
I decided right then and there that the past 2 and half weeks were just my imagination running away with me.
I woke up that morning and wanted to shout because I knew in my heart that I was right.
I sent the e-mail.
I had the weekend to think about it.
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I slept without S.O.
I thought a lot about him.
I realized at some point I was in a rut with him.
“Still, there’s that e-mail, “ I said to myself.
Saturday and Sunday I hung out with mutual friends.
Checkmate.
I did nothing.
Monday rolled around.
S.O. called me.
Told me to come over.
When I saw him, he acted like nothing had happened.
He ignored the e-mail after he read it.
I sat in his apartment for 1 hour thinking.
We were watching baseball.
I sat away from him.
Not normal for me, and he kept asking what was wrong.
I told him I thought we should break up.
A look of shocked crossed his face.
After realizing I was serious, he said, “I’ll really miss you, you were one of the best girlfriends I’ve had, will you promise not to make out at the bars in front of me?”
But he accepted it quite readily
I knew this is how it would be.
3 hours after I left home, I returned home.
I lay in my bed, and tears streamed down my face.
I did nothing but cry.
After a bit, I calmed down.
I sat up.
I breathed and realized I would be alright.
I worked the rest of the evening.
The next day when I awoke I wasn’t upset like I thought I’d be.
I was sort of relieved.
I had to retell the story countless times.
It wasn’t hard for me.
I realized I.D. was right.
That night I did nothing, but talk to him on the phone.
No day but today.
I have not been completely honest with you.
I have not been completely honest with even my friends.
Please give me a chance to explain.
3 weeks ago (almost 4 now) I went to a party with my brother and all our mutual friends. I remained very close to my brother even after we moved out of our parent’s house. They sometimes call us the “so and so twins,” (“so and so” being our last name). There I met a man, whom I talked to from 10 in the evening to almost 4:30 in the morning. The party raged on, and we sat alone, outside, talking. Most of our friends thought we left around 10:30 and only one or two realized we sat outside.
While alcohol intake was what broke the ice initially, by 4:30 both of us were very sober.
I left and went home around 4:30 and I thought about him throughout the next day.
I did nothing.
I saw S.O. the next day.
Hung out with him all day, and I remember him saying things like, “Wow, you are really clingy today,” and “did you take crazy pills?”
I remember feeling like a kitten on valium.
I did nothing.
I spent the remainder of that week as far away as possible from my brother, our mutual friends, and him.
With the next weekend approaching, a lot of my friends were leaving the University for good. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all nights I went out with those who were leaving. He and my brother went to all those nights also. It is pointless to say that because of those nights, he and I grew closer.
In the game of chess, Check.
I did nothing.
In the middle of the following week, I went out for a pitcher with I.D.
Just I.D. and I.
I told him what was going on with S.O. because he asked.
He could see through me and told me I wasn’t happy with him.
I chose not to believe him.
I went over to S.O.’s house that night.
I did nothing.
The next weekend was quickly approaching.
I decided I would spend it with S.O. repairing what I had somehow lost over the last few weeks.
He decided he wanted to hang out with his buddies all weekend.
I saw him only at night.
I did nothing.
The Tuesday of baseball and porno, provided me with the first really good time with S.O. in ages.
I decided right then and there that the past 2 and half weeks were just my imagination running away with me.
I woke up that morning and wanted to shout because I knew in my heart that I was right.
I sent the e-mail.
I had the weekend to think about it.
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I slept without S.O.
I thought a lot about him.
I realized at some point I was in a rut with him.
“Still, there’s that e-mail, “ I said to myself.
Saturday and Sunday I hung out with mutual friends.
Checkmate.
I did nothing.
Monday rolled around.
S.O. called me.
Told me to come over.
When I saw him, he acted like nothing had happened.
He ignored the e-mail after he read it.
I sat in his apartment for 1 hour thinking.
We were watching baseball.
I sat away from him.
Not normal for me, and he kept asking what was wrong.
I told him I thought we should break up.
A look of shocked crossed his face.
After realizing I was serious, he said, “I’ll really miss you, you were one of the best girlfriends I’ve had, will you promise not to make out at the bars in front of me?”
But he accepted it quite readily
I knew this is how it would be.
3 hours after I left home, I returned home.
I lay in my bed, and tears streamed down my face.
I did nothing but cry.
After a bit, I calmed down.
I sat up.
I breathed and realized I would be alright.
I worked the rest of the evening.
The next day when I awoke I wasn’t upset like I thought I’d be.
I was sort of relieved.
I had to retell the story countless times.
It wasn’t hard for me.
I realized I.D. was right.
That night I did nothing, but talk to him on the phone.
No day but today.
posted by sipwine at 3:26 PM
4 Comments:
It often takes the interest of a third party to make us realsie the rut we are in, that the situation of our making is not really the place we would be really happy.
Realising and then making the decision are not easy things to do...and the fact that you felt somewhat "normal" the next day tells you everything will be alright.
Please forgive me for saying this, but S.O. never sounded like the man that you deserve. It always sounded like you were a bit on eggshells & letting him call the shots- not like a real partnership. I'm glad this other man had made you realize that you want more than you were getting. I'm excited for you! Best of luck!
~Fab : )
What Indy said.
Indy & Wombat: Thanks, I think I made the right choice. The new guy takes an active interest in my life (even though I said we should just be friends for now) and has even found freelance work for me to do through a partner company that he works for.
Fab: It's funny, people have come out of the woodwork to say similar things about S.O., I guess people get blinded by relationships. I think I was.
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