I was sent this today and told that this is something I would definitely say if I had the chance.
I'm not sure whether to pat myself on the back or be offended.

I have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her no, that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. I'd lost 50 pounds but I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete, it kills your appetite, and you eat fewer calories, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no - I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.