The Date.
I agreed to go out on a date with Matt.
To be honest, I was going to say no, but his charm got in the way, and I found myself laughing at his attempts and then agreed.
The night of the date, I was getting nervous. "What am I doing?" was asked to myself more than once.
In fact this was the conversation I was having with myself:
"What are you doing, QSW? We tried this once. Do you remember? It didn't work out. He didn't want to emotionally commit to you. Remember? White Soxs were playing on TV and you were angry because you knew he wouldn't, but you were at the point where you had to try. You tried. He would rather watch the Sox. REMEMBER?! QSW are you listening to yourself? DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR YOU SHOULD WEAR!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I DON'T CARE IF HE'S GOOD IN BED, YOU WILL NOT LET IT GET THAT FAR!!"
My brain won, sort of.
I didn't let it get that far.
My brain didn't win on the emotional level, though.
The next night I went out with my friends.
They wanted details.
While we were chatting and laughing, GH showed up unannounced.
It was ok. I know he was hurting, I chatted with him and my friends.
My phone rang with a text message.
Matt: "I'm heading to Harry's, I didn't know if you wanted to come along. It'll just be Mike and myself."
I was sitting in Harry's.
I let out a brief sigh. Par for the course.
Even if I didn't want drama, I was going to get it.
I started chatting with my friends again, whatever, Screw Drama and it's Ugly Head that pops up whenever I don't want it too.
15 minutes later, GH decided it was time for him to go. He left, still no Matt.
Whew.
My friends were leaving, one at a time, and a new set was arriving.
The new set didn't want to sit upstairs.
So we all moved down.
I sat down and a few minutes later, I felt a hand at my neck, it was Matt apparently he had been sitting downstairs for awhile.
Whew again.
After a time, I went to Matt's table to talk.
He had had a few, and said to me "Your brother hates me."
I laughed, because this was coming from a man who normally didn't care what anyone thought of him. He was serious, and honestly worried that my brother hated him.
Then asked if my parents hated him as well.
I just stared in disbelief.
"What happens when they meet me? Will it show that they hate me?" he said.
"Meet you?" I thought.
He was talking about a hidden desire I had, that I refused to believe would ever happen. Yes, I wanted him to meet my parents. No, I had never pressured him too. I had never even offered. I had never alluded to it.
What he was saying was completely thought out by himself.
While I was sitting there reassuring him that my parents barely knew of him, let alone, hated him, He suddenly said, "I almost lost you, what is wrong with me? How did I let the last 3 months happen? I have way to big of an ego."
There was no ego now.
I saw what high horse he had climbed down from.
He was genuinely upset with himself.
My mouth opened and closed like a fish.
I had no idea what to say to him, because I was on completely new territory.
Finally I mustered up, "Are you pregnant?"
In which I got a huge smile and a huge kiss in the middle of Harry's.
He wasn't one of public affection either.
To be honest, I was going to say no, but his charm got in the way, and I found myself laughing at his attempts and then agreed.
The night of the date, I was getting nervous. "What am I doing?" was asked to myself more than once.
In fact this was the conversation I was having with myself:
"What are you doing, QSW? We tried this once. Do you remember? It didn't work out. He didn't want to emotionally commit to you. Remember? White Soxs were playing on TV and you were angry because you knew he wouldn't, but you were at the point where you had to try. You tried. He would rather watch the Sox. REMEMBER?! QSW are you listening to yourself? DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR YOU SHOULD WEAR!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I DON'T CARE IF HE'S GOOD IN BED, YOU WILL NOT LET IT GET THAT FAR!!"
My brain won, sort of.
I didn't let it get that far.
My brain didn't win on the emotional level, though.
The next night I went out with my friends.
They wanted details.
While we were chatting and laughing, GH showed up unannounced.
It was ok. I know he was hurting, I chatted with him and my friends.
My phone rang with a text message.
Matt: "I'm heading to Harry's, I didn't know if you wanted to come along. It'll just be Mike and myself."
I was sitting in Harry's.
I let out a brief sigh. Par for the course.
Even if I didn't want drama, I was going to get it.
I started chatting with my friends again, whatever, Screw Drama and it's Ugly Head that pops up whenever I don't want it too.
15 minutes later, GH decided it was time for him to go. He left, still no Matt.
Whew.
My friends were leaving, one at a time, and a new set was arriving.
The new set didn't want to sit upstairs.
So we all moved down.
I sat down and a few minutes later, I felt a hand at my neck, it was Matt apparently he had been sitting downstairs for awhile.
Whew again.
After a time, I went to Matt's table to talk.
He had had a few, and said to me "Your brother hates me."
I laughed, because this was coming from a man who normally didn't care what anyone thought of him. He was serious, and honestly worried that my brother hated him.
Then asked if my parents hated him as well.
I just stared in disbelief.
"What happens when they meet me? Will it show that they hate me?" he said.
"Meet you?" I thought.
He was talking about a hidden desire I had, that I refused to believe would ever happen. Yes, I wanted him to meet my parents. No, I had never pressured him too. I had never even offered. I had never alluded to it.
What he was saying was completely thought out by himself.
While I was sitting there reassuring him that my parents barely knew of him, let alone, hated him, He suddenly said, "I almost lost you, what is wrong with me? How did I let the last 3 months happen? I have way to big of an ego."
There was no ego now.
I saw what high horse he had climbed down from.
He was genuinely upset with himself.
My mouth opened and closed like a fish.
I had no idea what to say to him, because I was on completely new territory.
Finally I mustered up, "Are you pregnant?"
In which I got a huge smile and a huge kiss in the middle of Harry's.
He wasn't one of public affection either.
posted by sipwine at 2:46 PM
3 Comments:
So much for being strong. ~lol~
Ahh the weakness of the flesh.
Who knows, sometimes people change. If all he needed was three months to gain perspective (and emotions) then that's great.
Only time will tell really. I say go for it, as long as you protect your heart a bit. And report back to us ;)
Indy: To be fair, I didn't expect him to take the one date and run with it. I thought we were slowly going to date. He went from one date to marriage in 60 seconds flat. Which is why all I said was "are you pregnant."
Wanderer: I don't know what I'll do exactly, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, and report to you guys. ;)
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