I have started a new blog (I say new only in the sense that its at a different address).
I will e-mail those who've asked with a new link to it.

But I'm still trying to decide what to do about this blog.
Matt and I had our first fight last night.
I hung up on him (a big no-no)
He called me a whore (a big no-no)
I said I didn't hang up on him.
He said he didn't call me a whore.
The fight ended with both of us arguing about this blog.
Actually the fight made me feel a lot better, strangely.
After it was over, he wanted to see the post I made about him.
I opened up blogger, found the post, opened it, and started walking away.
He pulled me to his lap and made me sit there while he read through the post.
The post is below in case you are curious.
So embarrassing.
This is why I had an anonymous blog, because a lot of the stuff I wrote about was a little skewed, and a little too close for comfort.
So I guess I'm going to move on, but its with a really heavy heart.

So the end is near.

So the response from Matt on my blog:
"Yeah you totally left it up on my comp last week. I found it mildly entertaining, but mostly just pedestrian."

So I'm closing down QSW.
I'll open a new site somewhere else, and not open it on Matt's computer like a fucking retard.

I'm kicking myself now.

Um.
So.
Scary thing happened today.
I was checking my stats on this page.
I had a hit from:
bmedb050pc3.ecn.purdue.edu (Purdue University)

Indiana, West Lafayette, United States, 0 returning visits

Date Time WebPage
7th December 2006 14:58:18
7th December 2006 16:51:27


BMED.
PURDUE.

So, most of you don't know, but Matt is a PHD student in BioMEDical Engineering.
Um... so yea, there was a post here about him, but now I've taken it down.
Hmm.
2ish and 4ish, right when he was at work, at that building.
UGH.

I'm dating Matt again.

RHM is happy because it means I'm getting laid (happily) again.
FN is happy because he thinks that Matt has really changed and he can see I'm happy.
ID is happy because he got one of his "drinking buddies" back.
SY is NOT happy. Period.
My Mother is happy because she was heading to Chicago this weekend and is happy to have someone at her disposal that can give her good advice on where to eat.
My brother doesn't care one way or the other.
MW and MM are extremely happy and cannot wait to meet up with us to eat dinner.

And I, well, I think I'm the only one with my head screwed on straight.
I am very happy right now, but I'm still wary of my happiness. I refuse to rush.
I'm not going to "test" Matt or be a ninny female.
I haven't asked for anything more from him, because frankly, I don't want anymore.
He gave me what I asked for and I stopped at that.
But he's changed a bit towards me.
And thats what I'm wary of.
He told me he loves me, and I honestly believe it, but it seems like he wants to prove it to me or something...

Old Matt:
1. Had his time, and if I called during his time, then tough luck, he'd call me when he was done.
2. Rarely touched me in public
3. Would pat my leg affectionately, or run his hands through my hair, but that would be the extent of physical affection outside of sex.
4. Would never mention me visiting his home or hometown... ever.
5. Would go for days without talking to me.
6. Oral sex visited me less than Aunt Flow.

New Matt:
1. If there is a rare occasion that he can't answer my call right then and there, he'll call me back as soon as possible and explain in full detail where he was and what he was doing without any prompting or asking on my part. Most of those phone calls end with me saying something like, "Its ok, I was just seeing if you were free for dinner, if you aren't, it's really not that big of a deal."
2. Touches me in public now, in fact, will sit amongst his friends with his arm around me smiling.
3. Has a habit of kissing me. Most of the time it's on the forehead or on the lips when I leave. Except for yesterday when I woke up in the morning coughing(I'm sick). After I finally stopped, I told him I was dying, which made him roll over and start kissing my neck. After a good 2 minutes of him doing that, I made him stop saying it was his beard tickling me.
4. Has mentioned several times about me coming home with him. He even asked what I was doing on New Year's Eve. Granted this is all talk, and it probably will never happen, but still the talking on his part is crazy.
5. He calls me now just to say "hi." ("I'd only call or go over there if I "happened to be on the way home" or "could you do me a favor?" the list goes on and on...")
6. Oral sex is not a stranger to me anymore.

Changed man? Don't know
Wants to be in my life? I think that's a safe bet.
Reasons for wanting that? No idea.
Guesses? My one and only guess is the fact that he has more wedding invitations on his fridge than he does pictures. And most of the pictures he has are of his nephew. And while I don't think he wants to get married or have kids any time soon, I have a feeling that "being alone" isn't such a great thing to him anymore.

To say or not to say.

I'm one of those horrible people, that if the sex is bad, I won't say anything.
I'll gently encourage the guy, or take control, or be aggressive, but if all else fails, I won't be complaining to the girls.

Now, if it's good sex, I talk way too much. Since, Wombat's post talks about how talking for a woman is much like a heroin hit, then it must be double for me with good sex.



Also, for those of you who "wondered what happened with GH" he reads this blog occasionally.

The Gay Boyfriend

What is the attraction for a woman to hang out at great length with a man, who likes men?

Having not had a "gay boyfriend" until recently I'll list the pros and cons.

Pros:
1.)If your real boyfriend isn't around, you still have someone to walk down the street with holding hands.
2.)If you feel lonely, you can call him and he'll come cuddle with you without sticking a boner into your back.
3.)While sipping coffee together, you can both check out guys.
4.)He will tell you how "fabulous" you look without any prompting
5.)If your ass doesn't look good in a pair of pants, he'll tell you right off the bat.
6.)If needing to make a straight man jealous, he will quickly make out with you, or hold your hand, so you don't look single.

Cons:
1.)If your ass looks bad in a pair of pants, he'll tell you, even if it's at 8 am and you have no chance of changing them until 5 that evening
2.)Sometimes when you are talking to him, he'll get distracted by a hot man, and then interrupt your story to tell you about the hot man.
3.)He will be at all times more horny than you.

So far, for me, the Pros out-weight the Cons.

Harry's is a very dark bar.
On Friday night, it was dark, warm, and crowded.
I came there with some friends of mine, and when they wanted to go home, I drove them home. On my way out I saw Matt.
I came back to dark, warm, crowded Harry's to sit with Matt for a few.
His friend bought me a drink and told me how wonderful it was to see me again.
I sat with them for 45 minutes or so.
Matt said, "I think it's time for me to get going."
I told him I wanted to do the same.
Even though I hadn't finished my drink, I wanted to talk to him one on one.
I stood up.
I started walking, when I looked behind me, I noticed he was saying goodbye to some other friends that he didn't realize were there.
I didn't stop, I suddenly felt really hot and light headed.
I thought, I'll wait for him right outside of Harry's.
I turned, caught his eye, winked and pointed towards the door.
He held up his finger to say "wait a minute" but I was too strong-headed of a girl and left anyways.
Outside, the air felt cool on my neck and face.
I told myself I would wait leaned up against the wall.
That was the last thought I had until I suddenly realized I was looking at a shoe.
As my vision slowly panned out I realized it was two shoes, then four shoes...
At that point my hearing started coming back, loud and screeching at first, then I realized people were talking... "Get up sweety, I'll call you a cab."
As I was trying to process why someone wanted to call me a cab, I realized I was being pulled up, which could only mean that I was on the ground.
Panic set in.
Matt wasn't outside yet, and I was alone with two men who I didn't know.

And I was fairly sure I had been drugged.

One of them told me he'd walk me home.
The other disappeared.
"No, that's ok, I'm alright, please, thank you."
It was all I could muster out.
I was feeling very weird, not drunk, just beyond control of myself.
I suddenly realized I was walking across the street.
"I live over the coffee shop," I said.
"I'll walk you to the door," he said.
At this point I realized that the ringing I was hearing was no longer a part of my ears, but my phone.
I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at it.
3 missed calls from Matt.
It was while I was looking at it, it rang again.
I answered.
"WHERE the HELL ARE YOU?" he yelled.
I'd never heard him upset before, he's not the yelling type.
"I'm walking towards the apartment," I said.
"Ok, good," he sounded relieved.
"I'm going to walk next door and grab some cigarettes, ok?" he said.
I hung up in frustration, it had taken a lot of brain power just to formulate the sentence I had just used, and he wasn't going to come rescue me.
We arrived at the door at that moment.
Rather, the downstairs door, there were still two flights of stairs to climb.
I told the guy thanks, and walked in the first door.
I realized he followed.
"I'm fine," I said.
"Well, I'm walking you to your door," he said, "You should probably call your roommate back and let her know that you need to pass out."
He was beyond freaking me out.
I was terrified.
"I'm FINE," I said as forceful as possible, "And that was my boyfriend and his apartment I'm going too."
The man turn around and left.
I took of my heels and ran up the stairs. I fell twice but I kept going.
I got to Matt's apartment, and got the door open on the third try.
I threw my stuff down, and sank to the bathroom floor.
I didn't feel sick, but I made myself sick.
After a minute, I felt better.
I stood up, the most in-control I had felt in 15 minutes, and brushed my teeth.
I sank down to the ground again, and shook until Matt came in and found me there.
He was upset when I told him what happened.
He checked my head, and found the brusies on it, but none were serious.
He carried me to his futon, and turned on the tv.
Then he just rubbed my back until I was almost asleep.
Right before I passed out he said, "I love you."

Sneaky little hobbitses.

Cigarettes today: 2
Weight: 125 lbs
Number of phone calls before 10 am: 3
Number of text messages before 1 pm: 19
Number of drinks had last night: 1
Decisions made:
1. Do not pick up when Matt calls until Sunday. (Matt seems to want to move quickly)
2. Go see King Tut at Field Museum (He's only there until January 1st)

QSW tries to get ahold of RHM all morning to talk to her more about going to see King Tut at the Field Museum.
Finally she calls back.
Cousin's wedding, can't go.
QSW will not be able to see him. (lots of sadness)

Matt calls.
QSW does not pick up. (Applauding herself)
NEW voicemail.
No rules were made to QSW about listening...
Listens.
Matt invites QSW to meet his parents (second attempt, first one QSW freaked out on) and to go and visit King Tut while we are there.

IMMEDIATELY LAMENTS DECISION TO IMBIBE ALCOHOL WHILE BOY WITH MONEY IS IN VICINITY.

Drums fingers. (helps the thought process)
Soooo tempting. (like the apple and the snake)
Free too. (poor college student, which wealthy man wants)
QSW does not pick up the phone and call back. (don't be fooled, she has a week to decide, therefore can hold onto rule about not picking up the phone for Matt.)